When your bus is caught in the fog, with a traffic jam, too,
Along US 65, and from Springfield down, besides;
You're on a cheap bus-tour junket down to that backwater known
As a certain Branson, Missouri--ZIP code 65616!

I've heard a certain conservative columnist describing
The music-shows down there as serving up what he did call
"Nutritious patriotism"--now doesn't that sound right up there
With what Nazi Germany promoted through the Kraft durch Frude?

The Confederate perversion of St. Andrew's Cross you can't miss,
Along with Old Glory in an "in-your-face" type of way;
Not to mention, here and there, the Nazi swastika as well
As apartheid South Africa's perversion of the Dutch tricolour!

Rumour has it as well, that certain cheap motel rooms there
Have the Protocols of Zion and/or Mein Kampf alongside
The inevitable Gideon's Bible, or in place of the same;
A clear and compelling sign of how far jingoism can go!

[harmonica solo]

You can get sick rather easily on cheap buffets found there
Where thrown rolls are the staple of the bill of fare all the time;
As for old John Barleycorn, you have to know the right people there,
'Cause Branson's technically considered "dry" for reasons obvious!

I've had my fill of Shoji and the Baldnobbers as well,
Not to mention other "music shows" with subtle jingoist appeals,
Not to mention the racist leaflets slipped in gift-shop shopping bags;
Just give me Wisconsin Dells, instead; Branson's nothing but mental harm!