MY BACK AGES

Sharpened nail felt through my spine, makin' me feel like such crap
Pierced with fire like flaming rods rousing me right from my nap
"I'll take another Motrin stat, feel like I pulled a plow
Oh, although my front is still quite young, my back is older now

Bone-cracked vertabrae shows up, "That X-ray's wrong!" I screamed
"Just my muscles that are tight" I told myself and preened
Semantic words don't change the facts, and then I hollared "OW"
Oh, although my front is still quite young, my back is older now

Some braces seemed to be my fate, in short time I forsee
And crutches made from metal sticks, to have mobility
And someday soon a wheelchair, someone will bring me chow
Oh, although my front is still quite young, my back is older now

I think I'll just self medicate, I'll just get pot and booze
Way cheaper than all the doctor's pills, and not something I'd choose
"I'm geezerly!" I spoke the words, a fact I'd disavow
Oh, although my front is still quite young, my back is older now

In a drunken stance I slurred my words, at the ladies in the bar
Wearing out my welcome mighty fast in there, so they helped me to my car
My persistence led to a car lot fight, and I felt no pain somehow
Oh, although my front is still quite young, my back is older now

Yes, my 'nards took hard-ened fists "down there", And then I felt that crick
And something snapped back into place, and then I stood erect
Not so sad I have come to terms, I'm healthy as a cow
Oh, although my front is bruised and bunged, my back feels better now