Well the Plumber and the Spaniard
Were chillin' out one day
"I've sure got the hots for Cyprotex"
The Plumber he did say

"They're nearly ready for their float
It's comin' soon on AIM
I'm looking to increase my stake
But taking over's not my game"

The Spaniard said "don't worry
I think I know a way
I'll go and see my bookie
That's how to make your play

The FSA won't stand a chance
It's such a cunning stunt
I'll get you comfort from my lawyer
And we can toast the perfect punt

It's a self fulfilling prophesy
And they haven't got a hope
We'll place the bet before the float
It's way beyond their scope

I know they're never going to find
us guilty of abuse
The shares aren't traded on exchange
That's a watertight excuse"

So that is how it started
That's how the deal was done
And when the bookie took the bet
The game had just begun

He had to try to hedge his risk
And so his banker he did call
I really need a CFD
Can you pick up this ball?

What's the deal? the banker asked
I'll run it past compliance
I'm no good at legal stuff
I just stick to rocket science

"Better make it quick" the answer came
"Or you will miss the boat
But there are no grey trading rules on AIM
So you've got until the float"

"Its cool you've got your CFD
Everything is fine
Just step by my office
And sign on the dotted line"

The banker looked around to hedge
The risks that he now faced
So picked up nearly all the shares
The market had to place.

The market it was well impressed
At such a level of demand
And so the price kept going up
Just as they had planned

But somehow the investors
Found out the float was bad
It got into the papers
And the FSA got mad

"You can try to rig the market
With your complicated deal
You think you're safe before the float
But that's not so baby just get real

Our scope is wider than you thought
You haven't read the rules
You can't escape so easily
Its you who are the fools

What matters is the whole effect
You thought you had us tricked
But if you manipulate
The market hey you're nicked

So if you're a regular user
You know what I mean
Don't be tempted to abuse
The market keep it clean"

"Now just hold on" the plumber said
"I know the drafting's dense
But even if you're right on scope
I've still got a defence

Well I did everything
That I could to toe the line
My lawyers gave me comfort
They told me it was fine

What more can even you expect
A reasonable man to do?
And what about the bankers?
They're really in it too

They took a huge position
In the IPO
That must have been abusive
Given what they know"

"But you're in this together
You must have all colluded
And if you think we'd let you get away with
That you're quite deluded

Cos our job here is to protect
The ordinary investor
The humble Joe out in the sticks in
Worksop or in Leicester

They had to pay over the odds
To get into that offer
It isn't fair to take advantage
Of those guys to fill your coffers

But if you really want a fight
We'll take it to Tribunal
You could be lucky - but then again
If you lose baby it's your funeral

Well the moral of this story
The regulator he did say
Is if you want to rig the market
Well come on baby - make my day!