-> "Patches (Microsoft® Version)"
Original Song Title:
"Patches"
Parody Song Title:
"Patches (Microsoft® Version)"
The Lyrics
Down by the river hat runs through old Redmond
Stands MS campus where stutter those clowns
There, ev'ry month Microsoft™ issues patches
Patches for Windows™, or system brought down
Code plans were carried by interns for summer [1]
They hesitate to pay pros; get free ride
Month's second Tuesday, those patches come snappin'
Best not say "no", or hackers get inside
Patches, five hundred and two
XP™, I know through and through
But each month it's the case, all the evil guys race
Reverse engineer what they do [2]
Each month I cry: With his bucks, Bill Gates, can't he --
Make safer systems without a back door?
What they don't know clouds the Vista™ with fe-ear [3]
Patches, cause stink: the OS at its core [4]
I see a hacker sitting in China
Telling the world, puter unpatched was found
Now it's been pwned and to botnet, deliver [5]
Thanks goes to those boneheads in Old Redmond Town
Patches, what else can I do?
AV, a firewall too [6]
A Mac™ may be right, but the price tag does bite
Linux, I'm switching to you! [7]
[1] Apparently, a lot of the core code for the NT line (includes XP and Vista) was written by summer interns. Didn't have time to search and cite the books that made that statement.
[2] "Reverse engineer" = take the security patches, look at the code, and figure out what security hole it patches -- then you know how to exploit it on machines that don't have the patch.
[3] "Vista" as in "view", haha
[4] "OS" = Operating System (2000, Me, XP, Vista, etc.)
[5] "pwned", originally a typo for "owned", hacker slang for a machine that they have remotely commandeered via security flaws; having a large network of such machines at your command (your robots, or "bots") = "botnet"
[6] AV = Anti-Virus. Don't have it? Several good ones out there that are free for personal home use. Same for firewalls, although the Windows firewall that was shipped starting with XP isn't bad. Unfortunately, it was *off* by default (off unless you knew to turn it on) when XP was released in 2001. Finally, with Service Pack 2 in 2004, they turned the firewall on for you.
[7] Linux = a free, open-source (source code available to anyone, unlike MS's patented and tightly-guarded Eleven Secret Herbs And Spices), core from which several operating systems have been published and made available to anyone, although ya gotta have a propeller beanie to install them -- which is why most of us are still stuck with WinLose.
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 5.0 | |
How Funny: | 5.0 | |
Overall Rating: | 5.0 | |
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Total Votes: | 8 |
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| 5 | | 8 | |
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