You’re a mean firm, Merrill Lynch,
You’re a callous bunch of chumps.
Just because I drove your stock price down,
Out the door you kicked my rump,
Merrill Lynch.

Just like a smelly camel,
You’re no heart and all hump.

Where’s my sev’rance, Merrill Lynch?
Is that all you could give?
I might have to sell a yacht.
How am I supposed to live,
Merrill Lynch?

I just lost 8 billion dollars;
Is that too much to forgive?

Double crossing, Merrill Lynch,
Is what you have done to me.
You are just as touchy-feely
As the Russian KGB,
Merrill Lynch.

And choosing to work for just one of you,
I would now pick the KGB.

I am depressed, Merrill Lynch.
I don’t see how I’ll get on.
I thought I was the boardroom king,
But you made me your pawn,
Merrill Lynch.

The three words that best describe me
Are, and I quote, “Going. Going. Gone.”

Reading choices, Merrill Lynch,
Are why I did not produce.
Instead of the Wall Street Journal,
I went for Dr. Seuss,
Merrill Lynch.

The global economy is too complicated for a Harvard MBA who is only paid 40 million dollars a year to understand,
And that’s my excuse.

Your investments, Merrill Lynch,
Are showing very poor returns.
So, concerning my own nest egg,
I have very real concerns,
Merrill Lynch.

But you’re doing what I taught you, so I will now invest…
My funds with Bear Stearns.