You've heard of certain big celebrities
Have to have things just their way
And it ain't even funny the things they demand
Upon a silver tray

There's a golden-throated diva throwin' a chair
And she ain't singin' a note out there
Cause what she's demanding ain't anywhere

Diva's lost bagels
Diva's lost bagels

Manager is on the floor
Of her dressing room crawling like a hound
He's claimin' that he is mighty sure
The missing bagels will be found

Oh, those sweet dough-y circles with the onion bits
Are putting Miss Divine through hissy fits
Well they better show up or she'll call it quits

Diva's lost bagels
Diva's lost bagels

Needin' those bagels with a cream cheese lashin'
And that smokey salmon mashin'
Hunger right down the drain
Dreamin' of bagels from Mort Shapiro's deli
Pilin' into her belly
If you eat 'em once
You'll never sing without 'em then

She's gonna stay on the trail
She's gonna fight tooth and nail
Till she tracks down those bagels somehow
If she cancels her show, her fans will be havin'
A great big collective cow

Turns out her bagels didn't disappear
Ditzy maid thought they were fashion gear
Now they both are danglin' down from each ear

Diva's lost bagels
Diva's lost bagels
Diva's lost bagels
Diva's, Diva's, lost bagels