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Song Parodies -> "If I Were A Dickhead"
Original Song Title:
"If I Were A Rich Man"
Original Performer:
Fiddler On The Roof Cast/Soundtrack
Parody Song Title:
"If I Were A Dickhead"
Parody Written by:
The Comedian
The Lyrics
If I were a dickhead
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
Writing songs -- but wait -- I AM
I ---
--- would be such a nerd-ball
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
If I were a geeky-cheeky-freak
Chubby-four-eyed-forty-something-man
I'd
Put
A ---
--- big High De-fi-ni-tion T-V set
Right in the middle of my room
A fine flat screen with Trans-Reflective Display
There would be
One million
Three hundred
Four thousand
Chan-nels for me to sit and see
With only Star Trek reruns on all day
I'd
Fill
My ---
--- mind with lots of useless Klingon
Vo-ca-bu-lar-y to speak and hear
Grunting just as noisily as I can
And each loud
HIS-laH!
Qa-pla'!
HI-ghoS!
And
Qay'be'!
Would land like a phaser on the ear,
As if to say, "Here lives a Star Trek fan!"
Yeesh!
If I were a dickhead
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
Eating Snickers Bars and SPAM
I ---
--- would be such a nerd-ball
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
If I were a geeky-cheeky-freak
Chubby-four-eyed-forty-something-man
I'd
See
My ---
--- wife, my lady, dressing like Sev-en of Nine,
In a silvery Danskin™
Dominating me to her Borg's delight
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a Vulcan
As-similating me again
Re-sistance is fu-tile, I don't fight...
The most important nerds in town will come to fawn on me ---
They will ask me to advise them,
Like a Pokemon the Wise ---
"If you please, share trivia?" ---
"Teach us please, share trivia?" ---
Posing questions that would make Space Hippies sing ---
(singing) "Headin' out to Eden, yay, brother..."
And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong ---
They all think a dickhead really knows...
As a dick-head, I'd have the time that I lack
To read MARVEL comics every day
And maybe have complete sets of Spider-Man
And I'd discuss the comic books with the lonely men
Dun-geons 'n Dragons we'd play
That would be the geekest thing of all...
Yeesh!
If I were a dickhead
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
Writing songs -- but wait -- I AM
I ---
--- would be such a nerd-ball
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
God of Monty Python and the SPAM
You gave me the ego of a ham
Would some Cosmic Bullshit hit the fan...?
If I weren't
the
DORK
I
AM
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
Writing songs -- but wait -- I AM
I ---
--- would be such a nerd-ball
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
If I were a geeky-cheeky-freak
Chubby-four-eyed-forty-something-man
I'd
Put
A ---
--- big High De-fi-ni-tion T-V set
Right in the middle of my room
A fine flat screen with Trans-Reflective Display
There would be
One million
Three hundred
Four thousand
Chan-nels for me to sit and see
With only Star Trek reruns on all day
I'd
Fill
My ---
--- mind with lots of useless Klingon
Vo-ca-bu-lar-y to speak and hear
Grunting just as noisily as I can
And each loud
HIS-laH!
Qa-pla'!
HI-ghoS!
And
Qay'be'!
Would land like a phaser on the ear,
As if to say, "Here lives a Star Trek fan!"
Yeesh!
If I were a dickhead
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
Eating Snickers Bars and SPAM
I ---
--- would be such a nerd-ball
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
If I were a geeky-cheeky-freak
Chubby-four-eyed-forty-something-man
I'd
See
My ---
--- wife, my lady, dressing like Sev-en of Nine,
In a silvery Danskin™
Dominating me to her Borg's delight
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a Vulcan
As-similating me again
Re-sistance is fu-tile, I don't fight...
The most important nerds in town will come to fawn on me ---
They will ask me to advise them,
Like a Pokemon the Wise ---
"If you please, share trivia?" ---
"Teach us please, share trivia?" ---
Posing questions that would make Space Hippies sing ---
(singing) "Headin' out to Eden, yay, brother..."
And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong ---
They all think a dickhead really knows...
As a dick-head, I'd have the time that I lack
To read MARVEL comics every day
And maybe have complete sets of Spider-Man
And I'd discuss the comic books with the lonely men
Dun-geons 'n Dragons we'd play
That would be the geekest thing of all...
Yeesh!
If I were a dickhead
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
Writing songs -- but wait -- I AM
I ---
--- would be such a nerd-ball
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I already am!
God of Monty Python and the SPAM
You gave me the ego of a ham
Would some Cosmic Bullshit hit the fan...?
If I weren't
the
DORK
I
AM
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Place Your Vote |
Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 3 | 2 | ||||||||
| 4 | 2 | 0 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 28 | 28 | 28 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
555 for the funniest dickhead at Amiright!
That. Is. Great. "Share Trivia" for "Reb Tevye" is a classic substitution. And the ending is great.
Kristof, my friend, I resemble that remark, and that's OK with me! Thank you! ;-D
Thanks, Leo Jay.
:-) I thought you were talking about me, till I got to the four-eyed forty-something bit...
Brilliant, JD.
HAHAHA...zero mostel spins in his grave.....5s
Pretty funny stuff, Mr. D!
Now you and are tied for votes 15! I'm much more glad the comment are still there, that's a real source of humor
Three fives from another chubby four-eyed 40-something Trekkie! This is the hardest I've laughed all week, and I watched four nights of Donkey Con coverage on C-Span!
I'm fond of this song...it's the first one I ever parodied here or anywhere. Is this you? I won't say what I was going to say. lol 5's
"snickers and SPAM" !! Too many good lines, J D, super funny as usual!
Don't you dare sit on your ass all day watching Star Trek. We wouldn't have this kind of brilliance to enjoy every day. 555
It's George Bush's theme song!...dickhead describes him perfectly!
This gave me many snickers, Mr. D. 5's from me!
Thank you, everybody! ;-)
Phil: How about AFTER that?
JB: Thanks!
alvin: I hope he's laughing it up in The Big Green Room In The Sky!
Arwen: That was my cunning plan all along, heh heh heh!
Rick D: Ahhh, Grasshopper....When you have found the source of all humor, it will be time for you to GUFFAW.
Ravyn: Wow! I'm funnier than the Democrats? Who woulda thunk it!
Adagio: Parts of it are me, yes.....OK, now you can PM-me what you were going to say..... ;-)
Rod W: Thanks, Super Rod!
Dee Range: OK, I'll get off my ass long enough to sit down and write some more!
555: Monica, I didn't know you were bi-partisan!
EmiLoca: Happy Halloween! I mean, when else can you get that many snickers for free?
Phil: How about AFTER that?
JB: Thanks!
alvin: I hope he's laughing it up in The Big Green Room In The Sky!
Arwen: That was my cunning plan all along, heh heh heh!
Rick D: Ahhh, Grasshopper....When you have found the source of all humor, it will be time for you to GUFFAW.
Ravyn: Wow! I'm funnier than the Democrats? Who woulda thunk it!
Adagio: Parts of it are me, yes.....OK, now you can PM-me what you were going to say..... ;-)
Rod W: Thanks, Super Rod!
Dee Range: OK, I'll get off my ass long enough to sit down and write some more!
555: Monica, I didn't know you were bi-partisan!
EmiLoca: Happy Halloween! I mean, when else can you get that many snickers for free?
Continuing on with Fiddler On The Roof.....
I just submitted a parody of Fiddler On The Roof's song " Tradition ".
This new parody is in deleted-memory of
The Great Amiright Vote Deletion of July 28, 2004 ...
... and its title is ... " Deletion ".
I just submitted a parody of Fiddler On The Roof's song " Tradition ".
This new parody is in deleted-memory of
The Great Amiright Vote Deletion of July 28, 2004 ...
... and its title is ... " Deletion ".
JD - Another masterpiece. Brilliant. Maybe you could do one about Hillary and call it "I'm Such A B*tch, Man".
Thanks, Guy! ;-D
Hehe, Guy!
Johnny..you said 'Adagio: Parts of it are me, yes.....OK, now you can PM-me what you were going to say..... ;-) ?'
I say "suffah" ;)
I say "suffah" ;)
Adagio, I kid you not: I'm not getting the joke...honestly.
"If I Were a Dickhead"... are all Johnny D's songs, directly or otherwise, about the male sex organ? Nah, that's just a fallacy. Are they all great? Pretty much.
Dick head? Well if so you are the coolest Dick head on the site! :) EXCELLENT! 555
I didn't like it so much I would describe it as lame or super lame but whatever.
Michael Pacholek: Well, not ALL of them perhaps....but thanks very much!
Cookie-man: Hey, if ya gotta be a Dick-head, ya might as well be a cool Dick-head, ya know? Thanks! ;-D
Craptactular1324: That's OK if you personally didn't like it, that's cool ..... but what's really funny about your comment is when you say "...I would describe it as lame or super lame...", because that's the intended effect ----- so, thanks very much!
Cookie-man: Hey, if ya gotta be a Dick-head, ya might as well be a cool Dick-head, ya know? Thanks! ;-D
Craptactular1324: That's OK if you personally didn't like it, that's cool ..... but what's really funny about your comment is when you say "...I would describe it as lame or super lame...", because that's the intended effect ----- so, thanks very much!
Heh heh. The ® after Danskin is a nice touch. I think I'll start calling you "Johnny Dickhead."
I mustve missedt hiso ne I love it! LOL!
Thanks for finding this one, Jack! I got to enjoy it all over again!
Thanks Jack, and (again) Adagio!
Johnny, just saw this one. It's great.
Tim, thanks for digging this one out! Johnny, you had praise for this ages ago, but I must heap more! I loved how you turned the Russian/Yiddish gibberish into Klingon and such...you must have used the Topol movie version, which I am most familiar with. Mazel tov, mazel tov! (BTW, what does the Klingon translate into?)
Thank you very much, Tim & Agrimorfee!
HIS-laH ! = YES,TRUE! (in answer to a yes/no question)
Qa-pla' ! = SUCCESS!
HI-ghoS ! = PROCEED TOWARD ME! (or COME HERE!)
Qay'be' ! = NO PROBLEM!
Jay-dE' --- neRd'oS ! = JOHNNY D --- GET A LIFE!
HIS-laH ! = YES,TRUE! (in answer to a yes/no question)
Qa-pla' ! = SUCCESS!
HI-ghoS ! = PROCEED TOWARD ME! (or COME HERE!)
Qay'be' ! = NO PROBLEM!
Jay-dE' --- neRd'oS ! = JOHNNY D --- GET A LIFE!
Thanks for highlighting this one again, Tim - JD it's a bloody masterpiece.
Thanks for re-visiting, Philbo!
(ABC3) The hidden Klingon message adds plus points to my already rave review. This might be the gold...but I have many more to read...
(ABC3I) Wow, this is shaping up to be a monster round so far. You should be careful writing things like "Sev-en of Nine....Dominating me to her Borg's delight"; where's then Kleenex when you need it? 555
NAH! HA! HA! HA!!! Good parody here Johnny Dickhead
abc dickheads run the country "its a life jim but not as we know it" beam up three 5s
(ABC3) See above ( I hadn o idea I already voted/coemmneted on this!) Ok well 555 again!
C'mon, give Star Trek a break! You know you want it.......... 5's anyway, because this is a riot!--MM
(ABC06-I) Ah, another Small affair I missed. Excellent, JD! 555
(ABC3-I) again this parody pre-dates me, but more importantly it pre-dates all the nerd parodies (inc Weird Al's) out at the moment, so you are ahead of your time, JD, and brilliantly so - a funny self-deprecating and original tone right throughout this one - bravo - 555
(SOTM) By far the best self-deprecating parody I've ever seen. And as Stu said, you did the whole Klingon thing before Weird Al and took it way farther!
Yes, I was also going to say nice predecessor to White and Nerdy, loved the idea, and the huge tv.
ABC...still very funny, Johnny...fun to re-visit!
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