Verse 1:
My house is full of Radon
My yard's a toxic sludge
I lost three teeth while eating
A piece of chocolate fudge
Got Eschericia Coli
From some imported meat
Don’t quite know what I got from
A public toilet seat

CHORUS
Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn
Any injury - Jones will look after me
Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all
Serving the U.S. with integrity

Verse 2:
My wife and I got tickets
Dodgers against the Reds
Who would have thunk a baseball
Would bounce off both our heads
Now I have got a headache
The wife’s had one for years
We are not happy campers
We're crying in our beers

Verse 3:
Was in the health food section
Of the new supermart
Picked up some bran and barley
Because I’m eating smart
Looking for the quinoa
Slipped on some broken eggs
Increased my fibre intake
But damaged both my legs

Verse 4:
California volleyball
Is my favourite sport
But I never knew a dig
Would land me in state court
A dirty washed-up needle
Jabbed through my ulnar veins
I need some compensation
For these new aches and pains

CHORUS
Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn
Any injury - Jones will look after me
Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all
Serving the U.S. with integrity

Verse 5:
I was taking photos
Of a humungous bear
He suddenly attacked me
And grabbed me by my hair
Ow! It was just a hobby
But now I am so bald
Park Rangers did not help me
While I was getting mauled

Verse 6:
I hopped into a go-kart
At the amusement park
The brakes malfunctioned - and
The friction caused a spark
I smashed into the railing
The cart burst into flame
I need to file a lawsuit
I need to make a claim

Verse 7:
A big box store just installed
My Giant Screen TV
Relaxing on the sofa
Reruns of The OC
The mounting brackets failed
It all crashed on my knee
Hey! Where is Sandy Cohen
And where's my warranty

CHORUS
Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn
Any injury - Jones will look after me
Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all
Serving the U.S. with integrity

Verse 8:
Was sporting my cool baggies
For a fun surfing trip
But on the wavy ocean
It’s tough to keep my grip
Yikes! The surfboard just dissolved
Must be a design flaw
A shark has just appeared and
He’s got an open jaw

Verse 9:
While riding my dune buggy
On the hot desert sand
The seatbelt overtightened
Squeezed out my prostate gland
Now all my plumbing's broken
It's very hard to pee
Need restitution for
My personal injury

Verse 10:
I'm not a lion tamer
Or Human cannonball
Don't bungee jump off bridges
Or climb the BerlinWall
I don’t take risks that might
Give me a heart attack
But for the unexpected
Jones, I'm glad you've got my back.

CHORUS
Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn
Any injury - Jones will look after me
Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all
Serving the U.S. with integrity
Serving the U.S. with integrity