When I was just 13, I drank some very bad beer
I drank some very bad beer
Served up by old maids
In little corner bars
Their foreheads had scars
And their teeth were green
When I was only 13

When I turned 21, I drank the same lousy beer
I drank the same lousy beer
But strode into the joint
With my own ID
They were all shocked to see
That I wasn't 31
When I turned 21

When I was 35, I tried some imported beer
I tried some imported beer
With funny sounding names
In bottles and on tap
It tasted like crap
I was lucky to survive
When I was 35

When I was 44, I drank a lot more shitty beer
I drank a lot more shitty beer
And often wound up
Not knowing where I was
That was because
I'd passed out on the floor
When I was 44

When I was 59, the doctor told me "no more beer"
He told me "no more beer
You're gonna kill yourself
Or wind up on the street"
But my bartender was sweet
He said I looked just fine
When I was 59

But now the nights are short
I hit the john after each beer
And I think of my life as 1 big keg
I've suckled from the start
You can't keep us apart
I hope I've made it clear
I drank some very bad beer