Now, I've never been one to hang out with Gays
That fantasize about penis size all night and day
And I guess I’m just lucky, down between my legs
However God _chose_ to gift me, hey- I’ve just got a big schlong

Big schlong, Big schlong, Big freakin’ schlong, Big schlong

But one day, let me tell you the story
Saw an internet ad to buy a penis enlarger- but hurry!!!
And the ad said if I acted real fast
The sooner I would be enjoying “tappin’ that ass” - a bigger schlong!!!

A sex-crazed consumer, there always will be
And when the package arrived, I made a new discovery
This was nothing more than a cheap penis pump
Suddenly I felt like such a chump, my big schlong…

Big schlong, Big schlong, Big freakin’ schlong, Big schlong

So each day I pumped and I prayed
Was a little anxious, a little bit afraid
My penis was stretched out in that big tube
I thought I was gonna pass out real soon, big schlong

Used it only once or twice a day
And my penis slowly grew several inches over time
Down my right pant leg, had to strap it with twine!!!
I’d never experienced any scenario like that before, big schlong

Big schlong, Big schlong, Big freakin’ schlong, Big schlong

And so into work, I struggled along
In baggy pants, just swinging my schlong
Everywhere I went, I heard people say,
“Take a look at that trouser snake, wonder if he’s Gay?“... big schlong

I smiled at the ladies as they smiled back
Starin’ at my groin, thought I was gonna have a heart attack
I went to the gym to work out, noticed right away
Most of the attention I wanted- was from Gays!!!… big schlong

Big schlong, Big schlong, Big freakin’ schlong, Big schlong

It freaked me out, but then I got erect
Then it hit me real hard, I started to suspect
That maybe I… with my big schlong… was really Gay (is bad?)
So thanks to ONE Internet ad, I went from straight to homo, but mom’s really glad… my big schlong

Big schlong, Big schlong, Big freakin’ schlong, Big schlong