Every morning you would see it when you arrived
It stood four foot six and weighed 385
Kind of broad at the tank and narrah at the bowl
It was always there when a guy had to go, Big John
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John (Big John)

Nobody wanted to wait till he got home
All the guys had a preference for old Big John
Twas the biggest loo in town and that is no lie
Some of the guys would even say hi to Big John

Yeah, they bought it one day in New Orleans
It was monstrous in size and painted green
Brought it to the factory, installed it in the shed
And on the tank they painted a head, Big John
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John (Big John)

Well, one day at a quarter to four
The big tank cracked and leaked on the floor
For 30 long years it had served the lads
But now things started looking bad for Big John

Through the water and muck of that leaky floor
The plumbers tried to fix it once more
But it was no use, though they tried and tried
And you could hear some big men cry for Big John
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John (Big John)

With all their strength they thrust the plunger in
But they couldn't clear the clog to make it work again
Twenty men gathered around the old red shed
They started to cry and all their hearts bled for Big John

With a roto-rooter they started on down
But then came a rumble deep down in the ground
Out of the bowl flowed mud and slime
And everybody know it was the end of the line for Big John
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John (Big John)

Well, they never reopened that old red shed,
They just placed a marble plaque in front of it
And these few words are written on that plaque:
"Buried in this shed is a big, big friend: Big John."
Big John, Big John, Big Bad John (Big John, Big Bad John)