Good concept, and it seems you've nailed the OS link-thing - congrats on that!

Rather than citing line-by-line off-pacing, please sing aloud your own parody to your own linked video. (Unlike many, Greene has a good, clear voice and enunciates very well.) First, third, and fifth lines were off. Not a good start. So was the last (full) line, which is not a good way to end, and not a hard line to pace. Also, "Ringo" is echoed twice, not once, after each verse's ending on that word.

Didn't think it necessary to itemize others on this long song, but will on request. *Please* both count and sing your lines to TOS -- hate to see this talent not being fully used. 253.

TT used a different OS video, with full-color slide show, but the OS pacing is still the same.

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/lornegreene4.shtml

I'll let TT handle the technics..he's spot on, there...I never knew Ringo's name was Richard Starkey...great idea and tribute, here..this is no easy song to do..I did a couple versions, some time ago.

What's said is said! Having said that, which I didn't, I enjoyed. Love the Tank Engine shout out at the end!

Thanks guys. Criticisms all true. I should have stuck closely to the nuances of the original narration. I ran into problems with the penultimate verse where the tempo slows. And I agree Tommy, the last couplet is a mess. I had to get the tank engine in there which is difficult to fit rhythmically. 'Tank engine shunted in new fame, rescued by an old steam train', something like that. Ah, hindsight. From now on I think I'll let my creations simmer for a day or two before posting. @Tommy, re. pacing probs, email coming soon. Thanks for your abiding interest (and persistence).

@ Tommy. Just read your version. I am not worthy etc. The comments also had me LLOL. Does it get any better?

I always liked Ringo 'cus he had enough taste to hang out with Bolan. Nice to see Pete Best worked in there. We fit him into a parody once too, long long ago. Anyway, nice tribute.

LL, thanks for your continuing positive attitude.
"Tank engine shunted in new fame, rescued by an old steam train' doesn't work, either.

But ON his GRAVE they CAN"T ex-PLAIN
Tahk EN-gine SHUNT-ed IN new FAME = perfect fit.

The TAR-nished STAR a-BOVE the NAME
REScued BY an OLD steam TRAIN = 7 syl vs. 8, which also throws all of the stresses off. (and TOS "star" would have been a golden opportunity to pun on "Starr", lol)
  And whatever happened to the word "Of" in the final verse (or a substitute therefor)?

Others have said that if TT takes this much interest in critiquing a writer, it's a compliment, as the mediocre or untalented or unwilling aren't worth the effort. So take the compliment. ;)

"Ah, hindsight. From now on I think I'll let my creations simmer for a day or two before posting."
    Almost always a good idea, except for that (usually short) quickie that gets nailed on the first try. But even if the first version seems to fit very well, I often come up with better or funnier or punnier subs, or more internal rhyming or syllable matching, etc., if I "sleep on it" for a day or two. A few have slowly gelled over weeks or even months, a line being added here and there whenever it strikes the pea-brain.

Someone once said, "Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration." (The % changes, depending on who's quoting it or who's being quoted, but the idea is the same.) Thinking up great concepts and scratching out a draft is only the first part. Then, the real work begins. ;-D

It *does* get easier with practice, especially practicing the correct technique, so before e-mailing, I would respectfully suggest again that the time could be better spent reading the two-page method guide, "Tommy Turtle's Tips for Perfect Parody Pacing".

http://home.earthlink.net/~tommythedancingturtle/id3.html

You'll find your own glitches easily, but more importantly, the pattern-recognition becomes automatic, and you start pacing them correctly a lot earlier in the creative process. The usual double-your-money-back guarantee: If not thoroughly satisfied, I'll refund twice what you paid me to read it. ;- D Cheers!

Re: "Just read your version.... The comments also had me LLOL. Does it get any better?"

Maybe. I guess that's for you to decide, should you choose to continue browsing. ;-D

But yes, that s the real joy: not just good feedback, but funny back-and-forth commentary that adds a lot to the song's humor. Don't see quite so much of that these days, though it could come back.

LL: On a separate but yet related note, you may enjoy this M&P parody:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/bjthomas15.shtml

Thomas gets a mention at the end. As you are from my neck of the woods, you may note something familiar in our footnote, if you recall the reference from Fast Forward or The Comedy Company (I cannot recall which one...)

@ Peregrin - Thanks for the related link. Cute. You'll find another notch of 555s there. Sounds like Melbourne trains all right. Would you believe this: I've lived in Japan for the last 17 years and NEVER seen a late train. Occasionally one is cancelled when a salaryman throws himself on the tracks (world's highest suicide rate). Interesting that the OS is by a Thomas. I don't recall seeing the old comedy link but I know those shows and get the drift. Btw, I followed your tracks to those old Turtle gems - inspiring. A grammar theme is challenging but worth trying - this must be one of the few sites in the world where there's actually an audience for it.

Lifeliver, ONLY because you mentioned the challenge of a grammar theme and the rarity of audiences for them, will mention that this became a TT niche (Phil Alexander and Red Ant were among others to inspire and contribute to the genre), and were generally very well-received:

"Punctuate"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles1719.shtml

"Who And Whom (Usage Guide)"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles2006.shtml

Written on a dare, in the comments to the above, that same evening, and posted the next day:

"Fewer / Less (Usage Guide)"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles2007.shtml

I see you recently read and commented (and TT replied) at the one that started it all, but in case anyone else is interested (or needs the refresher),

"There, Their, They're (Usage Guide)"
http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebyrds27.shtml

How much do I owe you for the advertising space? ;)

Ringo lingo....Very hip....Man! what a trip.....

Let us not forget the slightly more offbeat:

"I Fought The Schwa"

http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebobbyfullerfour5.shtml

Local old movie channel just ran "One Zillion BC" over the weekend. Funny. Ever hear Lorne Greene perform "Ringo" in French? Nicely articulated. Sounded like a native speaker.

@ Patrick You mean the Raquel Welch one? That is so funny. They got the paleontology so wrong, like the Flintstones for voyeurs, but the anatomy was spot-on, lol. I thought the anatomy in Caveman was pretty good too, between Barbara Bach and Shelley Long. It was funny too, but for different reasons. Lorne Greene in French? I'd like to check that out.