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Song Parodies -> "Thank The Board For The High Crime"
Original Song Title:
"Thank The Lord For The Night Time"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Neil Diamond
Parody Song Title:
"Thank The Board For The High Crime"
Parody Written by:
Violet T. Riol
The Lyrics
Bob Nardelli stepped down as chairman and chief executive of The Home Depot. Although the company stumbled under his stewardship and has been implicated in a growing national scandal over the backdating of stock options, Nardelli's severance agreement includes a cash payment of $20 million, the acceleration of unvested deferred stock awards valued at $77 million and unvested options with an intrinsic value of $7 million, the payment of earned bonuses and long-term incentive awards of $9 million, retirement benefits of $32 million and the payment of previously earned and vested deferred shares valued at $44 million. Nice work if you can get it.
Pay time's a payoff, amount of green's crazy
Nine-to-fivers ain't pulling the big bucks down
Most CEOs are crooked and lazy
Salary goes up as stock goes down
They thank the board for the high crime
Of outrageous pay
We aren't talkin' petty crime
But, e.g., Kenny Lay
The remuneration
And the stock price move
In inverse-relation line
Thank the board, green grew
Let's talk about scams now, these days there are plenty
Like backdating options, that can turn out real good
Gives honchos money, many other bennies
SEC moves fast as log of wood
So thank the board for the high crime
Of outrageous pay
We aren't talkin' petty crime
But Bob, who went away
The remuneration
And the stock price move
In inverse-relation line
Thank the board, crooks too
Nine-to-fivers ain't pulling the big bucks down
Most CEOs are crooked and lazy
Salary goes up as stock goes down
They thank the board for the high crime
Of outrageous pay
We aren't talkin' petty crime
But, e.g., Kenny Lay
The remuneration
And the stock price move
In inverse-relation line
Thank the board, green grew
Let's talk about scams now, these days there are plenty
Like backdating options, that can turn out real good
Gives honchos money, many other bennies
SEC moves fast as log of wood
So thank the board for the high crime
Of outrageous pay
We aren't talkin' petty crime
But Bob, who went away
The remuneration
And the stock price move
In inverse-relation line
Thank the board, crooks too
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Good job on a tough song to parody. As for the case, I don't think we've heard the half of this story. I think something we don't yet know is going to blow up and stink to high heaven. With any luck, something like that will happen to Wal-Mart, too. Long live the downtown shopping district, the proprietors, the employees and the customers thereof!
No hope for that! Even if the feds were to catch Sam Walton in flagrante delicto with a dead cat, Wal-Mart would continue to reign as the discount champ and the blighted cesspit of downtown shopping districts would still be doomed. You want successful business in the city, go for megamalls and skyway malls. As for the grimy little downtown shops on their crime-riddled streets, let them move out and set up in the suburban shopping districts instead. Downtown is dead.
Malls destroy your soul.
How to bring life to downtown? Simple. Just state the gasoline tax to European level and state also an annual automobile tax. No more mega-malls as people will rather use public transportation and their own feet.
Susanna, while I agree with you in concept, you do realize that this is America? We are addicted to our cars. It's why we plunk down a bundle for an SUV rather than wisely buy something energy-efficient. Theodore Roosevelt said Americans never respond to anything except in a crisis. He was right: Until we do, we call the crisis-warners "Chicken Little," telling us the sky is falling. Then, when the sky does fall, we don't even have the decency to say, "I'm sorry, Mr. Gore."
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