Seventy-six, now Pope, led the big parade,
With a hundred and ten coneheads close at hand!
They all followed Bergoglio,
Those self-flagellating bro's, toe to heel
St. Peter's Square was jammed!

Seventy-six, crowned Pope, he's an Argentine--
The first Latin to ever give Latin Mass!
After more than a thousand years
Persecuting queers,
Pedophile priests porking puerile ass!

There were blubber-bottomed supplicants, remorse platoons,
Lumbering, stumbling, all along the way!
Mountainous Dominicans like big baboons;
Each buffoon: Vatican's big fat prey!

There were Jesuits and Carmelites, Franciscans, too,
Mumbling, humbling, louder than before!
Votaries with rosaries and coteries of notaries
The bullsh#t piled higher, si, Señor!

Seventy picked our Pope as a counter foil,
A conservative through and through, white and male;
Not a chance that we'll ever see
Women in the papacy
Or a pervert priest sent to jail!

Seventy-six, from Rome, spritzed with olive oil,
Gave a homily, then God-blessed on the air;
Then I stealthily sneaked a space
Next to George (His Holy Grace),
And I cream-pie plopped him fair and square!