Dear sir or madam:

Like a fool I went and stretched my dong
Now I'm wondering if my dong's too long
Oo Ronco, why'd I try that penis enlarger of yours?

I was ashamed to do more than dance
Now it's too huge to fit in my pants
Oo Ronco, why'd I try that penis enlarger of yours?

Here I am Ronco
Oh, I've got a monster in my hand
(penis enlarger of yours)

Here I am Ronco,
Yeah, I've got a python in my hand
(penis enlarger of yours)

I've done a lot of foolish things
This really takes the cake
Hey, hey, yea, yea, didn't I, oh Ronco

Seen a lot of dongs in this old world
They've got nothin' on this one, girl
Oo Ronco, why'd I try that penis enlarger of yours?

Oo-wee babe I could put out a fire
That's why (you know) this dong's for hire
Oo Ronco, why'd I try that penis enlarger of yours?

Here I am Ronco
Oh, I've got a fire hose in my hand
(penis enlarger of yours)

I've done a lot of foolish things
This really takes the cake
I could be a normal man but here I am