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Song Parodies -> "Routine Funds"
Original Song Title:
"Sixteen Tons"
Original Performer:
Tennessee Ernie Ford
Parody Song Title:
"Routine Funds"
Parody Written by:
Guy DiRito
The Lyrics
Scum people play a hand that's made outta crud
A score made outta other's muscle and blood
Hustle and bluff and sin and loans
Get mine they speak and knock back the throng
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
A plot borne one morning, Twas a plot so malign
They packed up a shuffle, and stocks did decline
They loaded sixteen funds from lumber to Dole
And the straw hat lady said, press the poll
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
She got bored one mornin', and was bein' a pain
Gripin' and troubled 'bout such little gain
She was a-raisin' so much cane that ol' mama 'scion'
Such a high-toned woman just bust out a lyin'
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
Shoulda seen it comin', no place to hide
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men lied
Now you wear iron, like others who steal
If your public don't a-get you, then the deft ones will
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
A score made outta other's muscle and blood
Hustle and bluff and sin and loans
Get mine they speak and knock back the throng
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
A plot borne one morning, Twas a plot so malign
They packed up a shuffle, and stocks did decline
They loaded sixteen funds from lumber to Dole
And the straw hat lady said, press the poll
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
She got bored one mornin', and was bein' a pain
Gripin' and troubled 'bout such little gain
She was a-raisin' so much cane that ol' mama 'scion'
Such a high-toned woman just bust out a lyin'
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
Shoulda seen it comin', no place to hide
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men lied
Now you wear iron, like others who steal
If your public don't a-get you, then the deft ones will
She bought routine funds, what do you bet
She couldn't be colder and cheaper than sweat
Quaint cheater, gonna haul you, 'cause we all know
You planned your goal for that Imclone score
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 2 | 2 | 2 |
User Comments
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Don't know the story behind this one, but I can guess - nicely told, very tight parody. If I could have given it a 6 for pacing, I would: "Hustle and bluff and sin and loans"... very good.
This is about that charming and likable Martha Stewart. And thanks for the high fives, Phil.
At first, I thought this was a swipe at The Last Legitimate First Lady, for that stupid "Cattlegate" pseudoscandal, and, as Tennessee Ernie himself might have said, I was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rockin' chairs. But it turned out to be about the Wicked Witch of Westport. And you not only nailed her hide to the wall, you nailed the song! Bless yer little pea-pickin' heart!
Thanks - My dad would be proud. He was an old Pennsylvania coal miner and so were my grand fathers. Last legit 1st lady? You mean ol' W and Laura are living in sin?
They're living in the White House, which is the result of a great sin.
Yeah, After what Clinton and company did in there it is no longer a sin free zone.
You guys are hilarious with the swipes here--Great job on the parody, Guy.
You write some pretty awesome stuff. I'm not sure how great her transgression is, I know some politicians who could very well be behind bars, in front of Martha Stewart, way in front. You know?
Thanks, Royce. You may be right about ol' Martha but her sweet demeanor and gracious character (NOT) off camera earns her some hits here.
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