Brilliantly witty perspective on the often absurd unpredictability of relationships & the all-too-often-predictable cadness (is that a word? well it is now) of so many men --- and you get EXTRA credit for using that wonderful word "schlub" !! 555

love the " gonna try for a little yelp from my friend"... truly inspired

I'd better not say what the suggested course of action that came into my head was... ;-) Lovely, as always, Arwen

A whole evening and 3 full dances! Had that taken place in Hollywood you would have been entitled to a divorce settlement! (Not to mention - but I will anyway - the money from the movie rights).

Sounds like Tyrone has all the Power. LOL! Another gem from the tiara of the Princess. 555

Very funny, 555's

555 for the Candace Bushnell of amiright. :)

Johnny...I'm always a fan of extra credit, and I'll throw some your way for using "cadness" which definitely is a word...at least in my book. Thanks!

alvin...=) I don't know if it was inspired so much as it was accurate...; ) Thanks!

Phil...hmmm...I don't know...maybe you could write a song about it. Hopefully it would not make me blush too much...; ) Thanks!

K1...you know, it's true. And from the looks of him, he would have been more than able to pay me a hefty alimony check every month. Of course, if he didn't look like that, we all know that I wouldn't have even been talking to him in the first place...; )

Rick...you hit it on the head there. That Tyrone...he's quite a fella...I think I should have been out dancing with him instead of schmoozing up to what's his face...; ) Thanks!

Larry...thanks very much!

Agri...well if that isn't compliment, then I don't know what is! Thanks so much!!

(Phil, here's the way to say but not say it:)

Arwen, a threesome of Fives.

Ahhh...nicely done, Tommy. Not sure we've met...I've been a little MIA for the past month or two...so welcome.

Good to see you're back! 555!

Thanks, PMS!

Arwen, I don't buy your intro comment. I mean, what could a guy possibly see in your friend that he wouldn't see in you? ;-) Liked the "I've been in love with him almost all night" line the best.

as soon as I found out she could dazzle with Tyrone, I knew she'd make mincemeat of your guy, Arwen - and ditto Johnny for the "schlub" and I also liked the fit of "My one somebody to love" - 555

Very well told story, but are you saying that someone becomes your "steady guy" after 3 dances?

Red Ant...hehehe...you know, birds of a feather flock together, sweetheart...you know how fabulous I am...I'm bound to be surrounded by fabulous friends, as well...(and that was my favorite line, too...=)...) Thanks!

Stuart...thanks a bunch! =)

John...I might be saying that...I've had relationships that have lasted only a dance and a half...so three songs is a big deal...; )

Since Johnny D already did it for "schlub," which is a great word, I've used it in a number of parodies myself, three fives plus extra credit for the word "swoon," which, as you may have noticed, is a word easily associable with your fine self. I was looking for words like "Welsh" or "get more," and didn't see 'em, so I guess this wasn't about me. Whew! But if a song and a half counts as a "relationship" with you, then you and I must be the Liz and Dick of this site by now! (Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton)

Thanks, Arwen. No, we haven't met. I'm the newbie Turtle who just swam into these waters a week or so ago, but lovin' it here - where has this site been all my life? From the comments of the other AIRheads (AIR = Am I Right), you sound like someone who definitely is worth meeting, so mucho gusto.

As per Stuart, the "my one somebody" line was brilliant - always admirable when one can keep 98% of TOS, make one or two tiny little changes, and completely flip the meaning over to the parody. "Multum in Parvo", as they say (well, not very often). For Johnny D, the book I have gives "caddishness", but I like your and Arwen's book better due to the parodistic (not to mention sadistic) possibilities, as "cadness" rhymes with madness, badness, sadness, gladness, radness (the quality of being rad, of course), etc. ("Wadness" - don't go there!)

Arwen, sounds as though The Turtle needs to take a look at your author page, and should you care to do likewise, as the old joke goes, "Feel free -- others I charge". (i. e. you can have a feel for free; other people have to pay for one -- guess ya gotta be a Turtle to like that one.) There should be three more Turtles on the Monday update, if one of them doesn't get my shell tarred and feathered.

Anyway, glad you're back also.

Is it wrong that I, a good Mormon boy, immediately thought the same thing that Phil did? I guess not, considering we used to do that quasi-legally :D 'Course whether I'm a "good" Mormon boy is another topic altogether . . . Great and truly funny parody, Arwen. Une menage a trois du cinq por vous.

Anyone named Tyrone sounds like a player. Perhaps you and your friend should hang with more down-to-earth guys, you know, guys with names like Johnny, alvin, Phil, Peter, Rick, Larry, Stuart, John, MIchael........Tommy.....

Michael...ah, sweet Michael. (enter swoon here) I've missed you...but you can rest assured that when I write a song about you, it will have a happier ending than me and my best friend beating the tar out of you. =) Thanks, sir, for always reminding me of how fine my fine self is...our many song relationship is one of the reasons I was desperate to get back into the swing of AmiRight things...=) Mmmwah!

Mister Turtle...holy moly...that's a lot for a pretty elf to read at an hour and half past her bed time...; ) It's FABulous to have you...and congratulations on deciphering the cryptic messages of the other parodists...I AM somebody who's VERY worth knowing...and it's always best to stay on my good side...; ) Checking out my author page and showering me with praise is a good way to get there...heheheh. When I get a spare minute...or a little bit of sleep, I'll check our yours as well. Thanks again...

Stray Pooch...far be it from me to tell any good (or goodish) Mormon boys (or girls) what they should or shouldn't be thinking...that whole pot/kettle thing, you know. As long as you think I'm fabulous...the rest is up to you. ; ) Thanks a bunch!!!

And...back to the Turtle, I presume...that's great advice, mister...but I know that crowd a whole lot better than you do...and they are nothing but Hooligans, every last one. One of the reasons, perhaps, that I love them so dearly...

Excellent! I love how you eventually work up to the climax of the girl-on-girl sisterly love action! Wait... did I miss the point...?

Seriously, though very funny how your psycho-surrogate (wink, wink) manufactures a 'relationship' out of a few dances... Um, I mean... it's perfectly understandable -- clearly a commitment is implied after two slow dances and a copped feel, right?

Finally, I must echo the sentiments of those who felt that the "my one somebody to love" substitution was ingenious. Brilliant!

Ah, Leo...I knew I could count on you to get exactly what I was trying to say...as well as understand the seriousness of his transgression against me. You're my hero. And thanks...=)

OMG, I HATE when that happens. I love the "would it be mean if I started a fight..." verse. 555

Ravyn...hey, thanks! Glad to know you can relate! =)

SOTM - I'm so glad you entered this one Arwen, I've been living in fear that your absence of late was due to hard time for unvoluntary manslaughter...

Again, awesome! Perfect for the OS. And I had to appreciate the physical humor at the end (finally saw the commercial)!

K1...hehehehe...don't you worry, my friend...all of my manslaughters have been voluntary. And justified. ; ) Thanks!

Jeff...Hooray! So glad to see you...and glad you liked it. And it's about time you saw the commercial...that's some good stuff!!

(SOTM contender) LMAO!!! I'm still trying to decide which parody I will declare the SOTM overall, and this one is pretty close (no pun intended). 555 I didn't even notice that last pun until I wrote it. Fab job!

(FEB '06) Good one, Arwen. 5's

(SOTM) see above

(SOTM) Arwen, nice to see you entering the SOTM here. Nice one here, though I have a teeny tiny hint about future parodies...why don't you try shaking it up and write a spoof that isn't about relationships? Look what happened with wannabemustangjockey when he did a non-car parody, he scored himself a SOTM silver medal!

Cat...I generally wait until after the SOTM comments are posted to do my thanks...but I AM going to address your comment now...

I'm glad that you're glad that I've entered the contest. It shouldn't be something of note, however...as this isn't my first time. Far from it. I took a couple of months off...but if you take a look at my history, I've been doing this for quite a while.

As for your "hint"...I just did a rough count...and while there MIGHT be a few that I counted that could go either way...I counted 100 of my 142 parodies on this site that are NOT about relationships. So, in some ways, it could be argued that I am shaking it up when I DO write stuff like this.

Anyway...I write what I know...usually. (I must admit that I've never been in prison for killing a monkey...but that's because the judge was lenient) If bad dates are what is going on in my life...that's what I write about. If I'm in obsessive mode over a movie or celebrity...I write about it. Maybe there are people who can just write anything about everything and have it be good...(Spaff)...but I'm not one of those people. Sorry.

Also...I don't write ANYTHING with the intention of winning the SOTM. I know that there are some folks who plot and plan and submit on a very specific timeline, in order to better their chances of winning and/or placing every month...but I, for one, think that's crazy...I can't devote that much of my energy to something that is completely out of my control. Yes, I enter the contest, because I love this place...and it keeps me involved, and it gives me a chance to showcase some of my stuff...but that's it.

If I were only in this to win contests, I would have stopped submitting a LONG time ago. So would 98% of the writers on the site...the majority of us don't win. Some of the BEST writers on the site don't even enter.

So...maybe your motivations for being involved in the contests are different than mine are. That's fine...best of luck...I hope you can get some validation by placing one of these months. I, for one, think highly enough of myself...and my writing...that I don't have to place...ever. I'd love to...but it doesn't matter if I do. Seriously. In short, If you don't think I deserve to win because I've pigeon holed myself too much...I'm pretty sure I can live with that.

(SOTM) How much of a dumbass would I be if I just said DKTOS? Well, I don't, but I won't say it because I don't wanna look like a dumbass... So instead I'll say... Great Peice Of Work There Arwen, I loved the use of the world schlub....

SOTM-A contender.

I really need to get on more often. By the time I get here all the things I would like to say have been said by someone else. This is fabulous fabulous fabulous. Fabulous fabulous. Fabulous.

(SOTM) Yea, I got pretty tired of girls using me to get to my friends. Well, the ones that didn't use me long enough, anyway. And thanks to your effort here, I'm beginning to understand why women wear pointed shoes.

(SOTM) See above and also kudos for "Nothin' beats sisterly love"; I agree, probably for completely different reasons than you. ;-)

(SOTM) ah, yes! this one is where I got "schlub" from, a word I'm starting to use regularly, a word for times when no other word can do quite as good a job - for that alone, this is worthy, Arwen, and see also above

sheesh, the way she was dancing with tyrone--i wouldn't be surprised if i saw a little tyrone wandering about 9 months later. gotta watch out; dancing with tyrone is like dancing with everyone tyrone's ever danced with

brilliant job

[SOTM] Loved it 555

(SOTM) Is 'schlub' a word? Oh, well. Who gives? Not me anyway. Nice job.

(SOTM) The daytime soap opera that is Arwen's love life rolls on and on. Great stuff, babe! 555

(SOTM) See above --- she's so mad at that lad who was bad as a cad that she's glad to have had kicked his sad padded nads!

SOTM - Well, some people just can't get a date...

(SOTM) See above!

Chris BTM...Thanks very much, sir!! =)

Adagio...thank you!

Agrimorfee...ahhh...see, you KNEW you wouldn't be able to flatter me any more than you'd already done with that original comment, didn' you? Thanks!

Cat...um...thanks for the advice.

Matthias...oh you know I would never consider you to be a dumbass no matter what songs you don't know...you always say WAY too many nice things about me...=)

Max Power...big thanks!

Ashkicksass...thanks darling! You could say the same things that everyone has already said, and I would still be tickled pink, just because you stopped by. Thanks!

Rex...LOL!! Thanks!

Red Ant...hehehe...I'm going to have to agree that our ideas of fabulous sisterly love are most likely different...=) Thanks!

Stuart...if I can do nothing more than introduce new vocabulary into the daily speech patterns of my readers, then I believe that I've done my job. Thanks.

Confission...=) You have a point...Tyrone's the real whore here...that bastard. Thanks!!

DAK...hooray! Thanks!

bobpiecheese...of COURSE it's a word! This isn't even the first parody I've used it in...it's part of my every day vocab!

Kristof...give me some credit, mister! My life is, even at the very sleasiest, a NIGHT TIME soap opera...; ) Thanks!

Johnny...exactly...I don't think I could have said it better myself! Thanks!

wannabemustangjockey...I'd like to think that those people just haven't found the right "one" yet. Or, some of them just haven't found any social skills yet. One or the other...

Larry...thanks again!