He is seventeen years old and cursed
Mrs Palmer and her five daugh-ters
Come and visit him six times a day
In his darkened bedroom they all play
But his tissue issues laid him low
Coz his momma caught him out, and so
Mrs Palmer's lonely art, mom banned!

Mrs Palmer's lonely art, mom banned
He thinks it's really so unfair
Mrs Palmer's lonely art, mom banned
Sandpaper gloves he's made to wear!
Mrs Palmer's bonely
Mrs Palmer's groanly
Mrs Palmer's lonely art, mom banned

She makes him take cold showers
And read religious tracts
But semen sermons just don't work
Like all his friends, this boy's a jerk-
-ing juvie, that's a fact!

He's been ordered to cease and desist
For the sake of his abus-ed wrist
But he's off to college at eighteen
On a scholarship from Vaseline
And Onanism will prevail
His eyesight has begun to fail
Mrs Palmer just won't part from gland

Willy cheers!