[ACT ONE]
[SCENE SEVEN]

{Setting: Inside Mayor Al's Office}

(AL has his feet up on the desk as Jill and Justin enter)
(His son VAL is chewing on wires. Val gets a volt of electricity and his hair stands on end, having a cloud of black smoke escape his mouth)
(His other son MAL is stroking a shotgun muttering)

MAL
"My preciousssss, my preciousssss"

(Justin looks scared)
(Al tosses a handful of sunflower seeds into his mouth)

JILL
"So. Can you?"

AL
"Can I what? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention"

JILL
"Can you stop the bar fights down at Homer's?"

AL
"Why should I do this fer y'all? I can't "member duh lass time yeh came over just to say Howdy, er to spur a bit o' yer moonshine. All I wanted was friendship. I's been like a father ta y'all, N' now y'all ask me to kill this man? I ask y'all why?"

JILL
"I never said I wanted him dead. I just want a peaceful pub."

AL
"Firs y'all must show duh proper respect"

(Jill kisses Al's wedding ring)

AL
"Okay, now I will do this fer y'all cause it's duh day o' me wife's giving birth, but I's have a favor to ask of you as well"

JILL
"What is it?"

AL
"Cal is soon getting his driver's license an' I told him, dat I'd git him a car. Now y'all own a bunch and sell them if I "member correctly"

"My Gutted Cars On Blocks Seep"
By John A. Barry

(JILL)
They can't even crawl; they're above ground and heaping;
My gutted cars on blocks seep.
I look at the ground and I see oil leaks seeping;
My gutted cars cannot creep.

When they first died, I could have sold you
The whole slew, they'd have run.
But I was ploughed and I corholed Sue,
My trusty old ewe.

I look at the wheels and notice they're not turning;
My gutted cars on blocks sleep.
I drink up every penny that I was earning;
Rotgut scarfed on welfare's cheap.

Onto the ground, lot's of oil's squirted;
It's been diverted to
A creek that's brown; it's been converted
To a bum-wort-fed* loo.

I've nooked in them all, in back seats I've been sleeping
With cousin Char and my sheep.
We have had a ball,
With Char done up as Bo Peep.

[Fade on moaning and bleating]