[ACT TWO]
[SCENE SIX]

{Setting: Bubba's Backyard}

(Bubba has the entire backyard filled with friends, and family)

HOMER
"Yeh have any idea why Bubba called out about half the population of Mother Nature's Ass here?

ROCKY
"Yer guess is as good as mine man"

SHERIFF BOB
"Maybe he'll finally confess that he's an alien, I knew it all this time"

AL
"Maybe he's here to make us all offers we can't refuse"

HOMER
"Such as?"

AL
"I don't know, but don't be surprised if you wind up with a horses head in your bed"

(Billie is sitting on Sue's now repaired lap)

BILLIE
"Yeh have any idea what pah's up to?"

SUE
"I got nothing"

(Bubba kicks open the door to his trailer arms full of random crap)
(Bubba drops the crap and yells into the crowd)

BUBBA
"I bet you're all wondering why I brought yeh here"

JOHN
"No duh man, what's the deal?"

BUBBA
"I have recently found out that life is way too short to not be giving and not to take risks, so I have called you all here to begin my will"

(The crowd gasps)

ROCKY
"Is y'all gonna die"

BUBBA
"That's the thing Rocko, I don't know. I might die in 50 years, I might die in 50 seconds, nobody knows. So I want to make sure I give all of you what you deserve if I pass away"

(Homer looks at Paul)

HOMER (whispering)
What did you do?

(Paul slaps George)

PAUL
"What did you do to him?"

(Bubba clears his throat)

BUBBA
"Okay now let me read off my will to all o' yeh!"

"My Will"
By Spaff.com

(BUBBA)
Who knows how much my truck's worth
My guns, my dogs, my drill
But one day it all could be yours
'Cause I've got you in my will

There's cable in my trailer
And tons of stuff to smoke
I should leave it all to someone
Just in case one day I croak

Being of shoddy
Mind and body
I do hereby bequeath
All my Playboys 'n'
Gopher poison
And all my silver teeth

But all the stuff I'd give you
My wife's not in that deal
Never knew she fetishized you
Till I walked in and surprised you
How ironic I now eulogize you
Y'all were in my will

My will