Sweet Lorretta Martin went down to the clinic to get her yearly mammogram.
Sweet Loretta came out cursin a contraption she knew was
thought up by a man.
It smashed 'em flat flat
It pressed them ways they don't belong
It Smashed 'em flat horizontal and oblong.

Sweet Loretta knew she'd be hummiliated but it was worse than what she thought.
They put her in a gown as thin as tissue paper with a single
tie up at the top.
(chorus)

A lady clammped her in than ran off for her camera.
Left in an awkward pose.
When she said "don't move" Loretta had to wonder< "Where does she think I'm going to go!?"
It smashed 'em flat it pressed them ways they just don't go.
It smashed 'em flat, as if you're made of pizza dough.

Sweet Loretta felt she needed vindication for everything she'd been put thru. And so she invented a similar contraption so men could get their exams too.

To smash 'em flat. To press them ways they don't belong.
To smash 'em flat 'til they sing soprano song.