“I think I’m gonna be clad in knickers today, yeah!”
“My shirt,” I said, ”will be plaid, and should go OK.”

But I wore knickers too wi-ide …
they slipped with ev-er-y sti-i-ide
and left me nothing to hide,
my seat was bared.

I’d gone commando, you see -- my thing dangled down, yeah!
The people hollered at me, “You look like a clown!”

’Cause I wore knickers too wi-ide …
they slipped with ev-er-y sti-i-ide
and left me nothing to hide
from people there.

I don’t know why they didn’t stay high—
I thought they fit right,
they even seemed tight to me.
My score was getting wa-ay too high
my buttocks in sight
made me uptight at tee.

My kids had warned me, “Hey, Dad, you need a belt, wait!” “Yeah,”
I turned and said to my lads, “but I’m runnin’ late.”

So I wore knickers too wi-ide …
they slipped with ev-er-y sti-i-ide
and left me nothing to hide
and people stared.

My caddy said “Hi … by the way, guy,
those knickers look shy
of the right height to me.
Before you’ve even played the front nine,
you’re gonna find’em
down aligned with your knee.

I said “Man, quit jiving’ me … you’re bringing me down, yeah.”
He said “Just don’t blame me when they hit the ground.”

“Just hold your frickin’ advi-ice,”
I said, and not very ni-i-ice.
and with that roll of the dice
I wound up bared.

My backside was bared.
The people all stared.
I woke in despair.
That dream was a scare.
[repeat fading]