Oliver D., Lisa his wife
They left New York for a pastoral life
The Hooterville crowd, could fill up a zoo
But the thing that really freaked them out
Was meeting Arnold Ziffel

Old Haney's truck, filled to the gills
With worthless junk he was trying to shill
Oliver tried, though he couldn't refuse
But the one thing he could do without
Was meeting Arnold Ziffel

He might not know it now
But when that pig appears
He's gonna have a cow
This porker's got a high I.Q.
And you could almost swear
He talks to you

[SOLO]

But you'll have to have your mind checked out
When you meet Arnold Ziffel

Sam Drucker runs the gen'ral store
But you'll discover, he's a bore
Hank Kimball drives a county car
He keeps forgetting, who you are

Doris and Fred, they're Mom and Dad
And he's the son, yeah that they never had
A pig, it's true, but he's head of his school
And the one thing they can't live without
Is having Arnold Ziffel
Yeah, Green Acres is your current route
If you meet Arnold Ziffel