I begged all the girls, dare I say I did plead
To the Charmin they zoomed, thought they understood, it feels so good

But don't squeeze it, please!!!

Had to keep them at bay, signs displayed everywhere
It was so irresistible, had me in despair
On my ladder and chair!!!

They would give it a hug, time after time, standing in lines
Usually two by two who said, "puffs of softness, smells so good", I turned red

" Ladies, please... damaged goods I do dread!"

Hired a Cowboy and Security Guard to prevent such acts
But the girls kept on grabbing and let out sweet laughs

Blocked the display, got on the phone, told all the girls to leave Charmin alone!
At last my desire, hands clutching the goods... felt so good!

"Mr. Whipple, what are you doing? Violating your rules?"

For shame, for shame, wagging fingers, the girls!