When I was just a wee little girl
Free of fear and peril,
I opened up a book one day
And read the “Christmas Carol”.
A wonder of a tale it was,
With quite a happy end,
But when I learned its true opening,
I was quite appalled, my friend.

It went: “Marley was dead,
And he is dead now,
And dead he will be still!”
I never knew why it’s well-loved,
And I guess I never will.

The first time that I read the tale,
It started, “‘Twas Christmas Eve”,
And another, “Once there was a man named Scrooge-”
I had no need to grieve.
I first read one and then the other,
And then I watched a cartoon,
But when I read the original,
I was put off way too soon.

It went: “Marley was dead,
And he is dead now,
And dead he will be still!”
I never knew why it’s well-loved,
And I guess I never will.

I first saw Mickey, then the Muppets,
And after that Mr. Magoo,
All of them had Marley as a ghost-
But his death was not pushed through.
Much later I saw a musical
That made him a really sweet soul-
And I thought of the awful opening
That shoved him down the hole.

It went: “Marley was dead,
And he is dead now,
And dead he will be still!”
I never knew why it’s well-loved,
And I guess I never will.

Well, the years will pass as time goes on,
For I’ve written my own little “Carol”,
And when my own kids read it, I hope
They won’t feel my same peril.
They’ll learn the original later, I know it,
And be as dismayed as can be.
None of us will know what Dickens was thinking,
But they’ll loathe it just like me.

It still goes: “Marley was dead,
And he is dead now,
And dead he will be still!”
I never knew why it’s well-loved,
And I guess I never will.