-> "If I were a Lyricist"
Original Song Title:
"If I were a Rich Man"
Original Performer:
Topol/Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack
Parody Song Title:
"If I were a Lyricist"
The Lyrics
IF I WERE A LYRICIST
(spoken intro)
Oh dear Lord, you made many many poor writers
I realize of course, that it's no shame when words bore
But it's no great wonder either
So what would have been so terrible if I had a small talent?
If I were a lyricist
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a gifted man
I wouldn't have to think hard
Ya ha model twaddle, tweedle dummer, tweedle dummest, dum
If I were a biddy talented
Idle deedle daidle lyric man
I'd write a dopy verse with oodles of dum dum
Right in the middle of the song
A fine middle-eight with balmy bodey-oh-doh
There would be one long dibby-dooby scale going up
And one dooby-dibby coming down
And one more meaning nonsense just for show
I'd fill your brain with noises of catsies and meece
Too silly for the listener to hear
Noises that should stay inside the can
Rassa hiss squeal squeak, scuttle scuttle sneak peek
Meowl meowl purr purr - crack a beer
To celebrate 'Here writes a gifted man.'
I'd be such a rich man
Yuppie-dinkie-hippie multi-squaddly-million dollar sum
All night long I'd titty-titty bum
With a titty-bum wo-man
I wouldn't have to woo hard
Ooby-dooby Ruby baby, little Latin Lupe-lu
If I were a biddy fetishist
Fiddle-fiddle-diddle idle man
I'd see my wife, my gold-digger look jet-bitch; Doc's knife
Had to lop her double chin
Super-rising heels to her height's delight
I see her silicon pair, hair blown like a windsock
Boy, what a wicked mood she's in
Screaming for that rare A-list invite
The most prestigious pens in town
Would come just to fawn on me
Ask me to ghost for them
'O, L-L the Wise:
If you please, idle-daidle, pardon me but biddy-bum.'
Posing problems that would cross Allan Sherman's eyes
Yada yada, hello mudda, hello fada, duh
It just takes one dumb booby dodo
To strike platinum with a song
When you're hot those poo-bahs play along.
If I were rich, I'd finally get really slack
And sit by the swimming pool all day
In my banana lounge by the garden wall
And I'd shang-lang and shooby doo dooby wop wop
Tooraloo tooralay
That would be the neatest thing of all
If I were a lyricist
Doopy diddle doodle droopy poodle poopy piddle bum
All day long I'd let my brain go numb
If I were a wordy man
I wouldn't have some bastard
Idle idiot avid agent man
Lord who made the line and the scam
You decreed what a fraud I am
Please don't spoil my vast retirement plan
Stealthy lyric-wealthy man
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 4.9 | |
How Funny: | 4.9 | |
Overall Rating: | 4.9 | |
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Total Votes: | 8 |
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