Well I've never been to Spain
But I kind of like ol' Franco
Say that Hemmingway got real drunk there
And he sure knew how to use it
He did abuse it
Oh boy, did he lose it
Couldn't refuse it.

Well, I've never been to England
But I kind of like the Spice Girls
So I headed for San Diego
but landed in San Quentin
Can't appeal it
My fate's so dreary
Oh the lousy food ... oh the lousy food

Well I've never been to heaven
But it's nothing like Las Vegas.
Well, they tell me I was bored there
But I really don't remember
If it was Wayne Newton or Cher
What does it matter?
What does it matter ?