If you're having trouble with your bi-cus-pids
They're covered with some goo
You oughta brush 'em with some Aim or Crest
And get the back ones, too

Look at your gums, they're full of crumbs
Is that a 20 amp fuse?
Four out of five dentists will die -- hey!
When they breathe your fumes

Dirty teeth (spread disease!)
Dirty teeth (spread disease!)
Dirty teeth (spread disease!)
Dirty teeth, they're all yellow and green
Dirty teeth, they're all yellow and green

You got breath that would drop a horse
Just too lazy to floss
Your wife threatened you with divorce
You said, "I love my moss, Stella."

She left you, Stan -- Way to go, man!
But your wallpaper's peelin'
When you stick out your tongue, even flies are stunned
And drywall falls from the ceilin'

(chorus)

You've got a problem with your poker pals
They make you phone in your hand
The smog from your lips could sink a ship
So listen to my plan

Pick up some Scope, or soap-on-a-rope
Scrub your mouth till it foams
If you're real luck-y, you will see
Your dog come back home

(chorus)

Cavities ... tartar ... tooth cheese! (spread disease!)
Plaque ... gingivitis ... ROOT CANAL! (spread disease!)
Hey! Dirty teeth ... could use an orthodontist, too (spread disease!)
YEEAAHHHH!!