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Song Parodies -> "The Glove"
Original Song Title:
"The Rose"
Original Performer:
Bette Midler
Parody Song Title:
"The Glove"
Parody Written by:
Arwen
The Lyrics
This is almost a true story.
Lost my glove, began to shiver
Cold hand about to bleed
Would have warmed it with a laser
Had nothing for my need
Was more tense than Felix Unger
Af-ter eight hits of Speed
Frozen car--no leaving power
Until the ice was freed
Clearing frost, with my hand aching
The scraper broke, by chance
And I swore, manners forsaking
Held it out like a lance
Hit the windshield in frustration
It had far too much give
So the safe-ty glass was lying
Dead from my busted shiv
Screamed into the night, "If only
I'd had my glove all along
Wouldn't be here, cold and lonely
Shoulder socket's sit-ting wrong
Damn the frost that comes with winter!"
And right then, down in the snow
Looked and saw, it was my lost glove
Lying there, beneath my nose
Cold hand about to bleed
Would have warmed it with a laser
Had nothing for my need
Was more tense than Felix Unger
Af-ter eight hits of Speed
Frozen car--no leaving power
Until the ice was freed
Clearing frost, with my hand aching
The scraper broke, by chance
And I swore, manners forsaking
Held it out like a lance
Hit the windshield in frustration
It had far too much give
So the safe-ty glass was lying
Dead from my busted shiv
Screamed into the night, "If only
I'd had my glove all along
Wouldn't be here, cold and lonely
Shoulder socket's sit-ting wrong
Damn the frost that comes with winter!"
And right then, down in the snow
Looked and saw, it was my lost glove
Lying there, beneath my nose
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User Comments
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Sounds like you need a better de-froster...but this was really cool...five scrapes
Serves you right for living in Wyoming and not, say....London. ;-) 555
ah yes, this is why i live in southern california...i've only heard rumors of these things known as "gloves" and "ice scrapers"...5s
In New England, we know of these things. Nice irony here, Arwen..555
gloves? like people in really freezing places wear? *shiver* - 555
High fives
I've heard of a five-finger discount, but this is ridiculous. Of course, ridiculous is the point! You win five free days in New Jersey -- where, to paraphrase Mark Twain, if you don't like the weather, wait a minute. Kristof: Yes, because, as we all know, London is known for having wonderful weather.
Winter in Wyoming already? I can relate, I tend to "misplace" things often. Spent an hour night before last looking for my ID, it was in the seat cushion.
Very good parody with a clever Felix Unger line and ending.
AFW...actually, I bought a new car this past spring, and haven't yet had to test it against the terrors of a frosty Wyoming morning...I'm hoping it will be tough, though...and, as the weather is getting colder and colder as each day passes...it's only going to be a matter of time...Thanks!
Kristof...right...if I moved to London, I'd have the joy of freezing my ass off on the wrong side of the road...; )...thank you!
Alvin...Hee! =) Thanks! Count yourself lucky, by the way...(thought I'll take the mountains over the ocean most of the time...=)...)
Rick...nice to know you can feel my pain...=) Thanks!
Stuart...um...I actually hate gloves. I hate coats, too. And since I hate being cold...I can't win no matter what I do. It's no wonder I'm such a grouch all winter long. Thanks for stopping by...
PMS...thanks very much!
Michael...hee! I've actually often thought that quote was very applicable to Wyoming's weather. It's not uncommon that I have to use my heater, my air conditioning, and then back to my heater...all in one day. Seriously. I did it today. But I will take you up on the free Jersey days. Let me know when to show up. I'm expecting everything to be on you.
Red Ant...not quite winter...but it's close. I had a skiff of the white stuff on my car yesterday morning...and I can only remember a handful of Halloweens around here when it wasn't blizzarding...=) Thanks a bunch!
John...I was unbelievably tickled to work Mr. Unger in there...thanks. But in reality...I couldn't think of any other words that actually rhyme with hunger...so I probably shouldn't be TOO proud of myself. Oh, but I am. Hee...=) Thanks!
Kristof...right...if I moved to London, I'd have the joy of freezing my ass off on the wrong side of the road...; )...thank you!
Alvin...Hee! =) Thanks! Count yourself lucky, by the way...(thought I'll take the mountains over the ocean most of the time...=)...)
Rick...nice to know you can feel my pain...=) Thanks!
Stuart...um...I actually hate gloves. I hate coats, too. And since I hate being cold...I can't win no matter what I do. It's no wonder I'm such a grouch all winter long. Thanks for stopping by...
PMS...thanks very much!
Michael...hee! I've actually often thought that quote was very applicable to Wyoming's weather. It's not uncommon that I have to use my heater, my air conditioning, and then back to my heater...all in one day. Seriously. I did it today. But I will take you up on the free Jersey days. Let me know when to show up. I'm expecting everything to be on you.
Red Ant...not quite winter...but it's close. I had a skiff of the white stuff on my car yesterday morning...and I can only remember a handful of Halloweens around here when it wasn't blizzarding...=) Thanks a bunch!
John...I was unbelievably tickled to work Mr. Unger in there...thanks. But in reality...I couldn't think of any other words that actually rhyme with hunger...so I probably shouldn't be TOO proud of myself. Oh, but I am. Hee...=) Thanks!
But it never snows in ... Rivendell. ;-)
Johnny...=) You know I think you're right...but sadly, I've only got the timeshare in the summer...
Freakin' winter. I can't believe how much I hate it. Fabulous job here, darling girl! I especially liked your use of the word "Forsaking."
Thanks Ash...the season is a nemesis with unmatched power. I HATE it. I hate being cold, I hate scraping frost, I had tramping snow around, I hate EVERYTHING about it. If it weren't for Christmas making it the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, I would totally break up with winter for good.
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