It is tough when all you give her
Is just your slender reed
And when little willie sprays her
It barely spills the seeds
It is tough, when all you've brung her
Is less than what she needs
It is clear you need more power
To satisfy her greed

When the earth is rarely shaking
You'd better take a chance
And you know she's always faking
Whenever you two dance
Though you might bring home the bacon
It's pork that you can't give
If your soulmate's always crying
Then give your mate a gift

If her "I love yous" sounds phony
And you think that something's wrong
If it sounds like it's baloney
Don't just smile and go along
With and implant and a splinter
From our team of trusted pros
From your reed, we have the right stuff
To produce a massive hose