He's a Hollywood guy with a lotta success,
So you'd likely assume that he's one of the best,
But to make such assumptions is really naive;
He Dances With Wolves, but he always seems wooden to me

I remember the time when he took on Capone --
People thought it was great, but it just made me groan;
Though the baseball romantics just loved 'Field of Dreams',
I thought he struck out, 'cause his acting seemed wooden to me

Oh, when Revenge wasn't sweet,
I could find No Way Out
But to just fall asleep;
And with Oscars he stole
For 'behind-the-lens' roles,
He's a true Prince of Thieves

Seems he won't study acting, and that is a shame;
You would think he'd take classes For Love Of The Game,
For 'The Postman' delivered a letter: a 'D';
This Bodyguard seems only helpless and wooden to me

Oh, for conspiracy's sake,
Took on JFK's case
Just about lost my mind
Oh, I can't figure it out
Seeing movies he's in
Makes me wish I were blind

Well, 'Bull Durham' was half-right, because it was 'bull'
And 'Tin Cup' was his best work... but only half-full
And his 'Waterworld' justly was washed out to sea;
They call him a 'star',
But I find that bizarre,
'Cause he's always seemed wooden to me

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