(instrumental opening)

Bottle of juice.
Bottle of tea.
The kind to help your regularity.
They're gonna brew it up all night
in that old familiar place.
So don't out and stuff yer face.

Bottle of tea.
Bottle of juice.
To keep you feeling fit and loose.
This invitation, you just might punt.
It's a health food restaurant.

(instrumental break)

Things are okay with me these days.
I lost 50 pounds.
I got a new wardrobe.
I got a thin wife.
I got a good life.
And the eating is fine.
Whoa.

You lost touch long ago.
You gained weight, a lot there, whoa.
I hoped you would look so nice
after so much time.

Do you remember those days
hanging out at the shopping mall?
Engineer boots so you wouldn't look under-tall.
Put a dime in the scale
said, "Twenty pounds, lose them all!"
No beer!
Eat light!
No sweets, those frantic teenage nights!

(instrumental break)

Whoa, whoa-oh...

Brenda Rinetti was kind of unsteady
was too fat to be asked to the prom.
Just seventeen, but you know that it seems
she's as fat as her mom.
Nobody looked any wider.
Went on Cambridge Diet, stuffed Cambridge inside her.
We never knew she'd last so very long in this life.

Whoa, but Brenda Rinetti, she found her a way to survive.
Whoa-oh...

Brenda Rinetti, that blob of spaghetti
tipped scales at two-seventy-five.
When she decided the food is subsided
or she just might die.
Everyone said she was crazy.
"Brenda, you know that you're much too lazy."
You can't just eat better, you also must exercise.

Oh, but Brenda's determined to tell all her blubber goodbye.
Whoa-oh...

Well, she gave up her hogging and started some jogging
wearing sweatsuits she ordered from Sears.
Thought she'd get ahead by cutting out bread
and the candy and soda and beers.
The goal, to be light, but the outfits, still tight
and she just didn't count on the tears!
Oh, no, oh, no...

Yeah, jelly roll!

(instrumental break)

Well, she lived for a while in this hardy lifestyle
'til she worked off the gut and the end.
Discovered her toes, that's the way that it goes
and Doc Atkins was closest of friends.
Her friends she could call hanging out at the mall
at last, she could go back there again!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa...

Brenda Rinetti, at last check already
tipped scales at just one-thirty-five.
She blew past her goal, she's a model of role
now for all of our lives.
She wouldn't go back to the greasy.
She told us, no lie, that it just ain't easy.
We should've known that she'd find a way to get by.

Oh, and that's all I'll say about Brenda Rinetti.
She's looking real hot and now we're going steady.
So, all of you, wave me and Brenda Rinetti goodbye!
Whoa-oh...

(instrumental break)

Bottle of tea.
Bottle of juice.
I know the taste gives you the blues.
This invitation, you just might punt.
It's a health food restaurant.

(instrumental close)