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Song Parodies -> "The Cell Phone Song"
Original Song Title:
"Piano Man"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Billy Joel
Parody Song Title:
"The Cell Phone Song"
Parody Written by:
Marsh Carroll
The Lyrics
Here is a parody song I wrote about something that unites us all (especially Canadians) – griping about cellphones and cellphone companies. I call it The Cell Phone Song. Hope you enjoy it.
It was nine c'clock on a Saturday
My weekend plan finally kicked in
But I knew deep in my sole, no hyperbole
I'd be taking it square on the chin
Chorus:
You see the cell phone companies are robbers
They'll nickel and dime you to death
The only way you can afford them
Is by dealing some pure crystal meth
Now Telus rounds up their minutes
So a second seems like an hour
And Rogers charges you a buck fifty
If you text while you're taking a shower
chorus:
Over the murky Verizon
Fido just passed Wind
No Kudos to Bell or to Solo
Their bosses have verily sinned
chorus
Waiting for a cellphone agent
Can be such a horrible bore
I guess it takes a long time
For electrons to reach Bangalore
chorus
My cell phone has a feature
So I can filter out all of the spam
When I activate call forward
I don't know where the hell that I am
chorus
I just learned how to text message
Itap and alpha on the same line
If cellphones really cause cancer
I hope my tumor will be T9
chorus
I once paid roaming charges
Just for stepping out of my car
And how come it costs my lifesavings
Just to twit that dumb Justin Biebar
chorus
Avril uses a cell phone
So does Drake and Celine Dion
The Argos would embrace the technology
If they knew how to turn the things on
chorus
The hands free law is a good one
The prudent, correct way to go
The only thing to do while driving
Is listen to XM Radio
chorus
Winnipeg business types are yakking
Teeth chatter at Portage and Main
They're either on their bluetooths
Or else they are surely insane
chorus
Now some of the phones are prepaid
And some are pay as you go
But one thing for certain, unlike Cummings, Burton
All of the phone companies blow
chorus
Google is trying to take over
Shoot Apple out of the tree
Remember when we talked to each other
Without using technology
FINAL CHORUS
You see the cell phone companies are robbers
They'll nickel and dime you to death
The only way you can afford them
Is by dealing some pure crystal meth
blah blah blah blah blah blah overages blah blah blah blah blah fab five blah blah – out of available minutes – end transmission.
My weekend plan finally kicked in
But I knew deep in my sole, no hyperbole
I'd be taking it square on the chin
Chorus:
You see the cell phone companies are robbers
They'll nickel and dime you to death
The only way you can afford them
Is by dealing some pure crystal meth
Now Telus rounds up their minutes
So a second seems like an hour
And Rogers charges you a buck fifty
If you text while you're taking a shower
chorus:
Over the murky Verizon
Fido just passed Wind
No Kudos to Bell or to Solo
Their bosses have verily sinned
chorus
Waiting for a cellphone agent
Can be such a horrible bore
I guess it takes a long time
For electrons to reach Bangalore
chorus
My cell phone has a feature
So I can filter out all of the spam
When I activate call forward
I don't know where the hell that I am
chorus
I just learned how to text message
Itap and alpha on the same line
If cellphones really cause cancer
I hope my tumor will be T9
chorus
I once paid roaming charges
Just for stepping out of my car
And how come it costs my lifesavings
Just to twit that dumb Justin Biebar
chorus
Avril uses a cell phone
So does Drake and Celine Dion
The Argos would embrace the technology
If they knew how to turn the things on
chorus
The hands free law is a good one
The prudent, correct way to go
The only thing to do while driving
Is listen to XM Radio
chorus
Winnipeg business types are yakking
Teeth chatter at Portage and Main
They're either on their bluetooths
Or else they are surely insane
chorus
Now some of the phones are prepaid
And some are pay as you go
But one thing for certain, unlike Cummings, Burton
All of the phone companies blow
chorus
Google is trying to take over
Shoot Apple out of the tree
Remember when we talked to each other
Without using technology
FINAL CHORUS
You see the cell phone companies are robbers
They'll nickel and dime you to death
The only way you can afford them
Is by dealing some pure crystal meth
blah blah blah blah blah blah overages blah blah blah blah blah fab five blah blah – out of available minutes – end transmission.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
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| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 1 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
User Comments
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Funny and well-executed. As you are a Canadian, I'm happy to score this song an "Eh plus"! ;D
Yankees 11, Blue Jays 5, and now that the Chicago Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup, that makes the Maple Leafs the team with the longest drought. Don't worry, I hate "South Park" too, and not just because they hate Canada.
I bought one of those real cheap cell phones with the expensive minutes because I only plan to use it for emergencies (if I remember to carry it). The first phone went dead, so I called the toll-free number to get a replacement phone and transfer the unused minutes. This call (on my home phone) lasted over an hour with a woman from a nominally English speaking country, which I finally identified as Jamaica. There is some rule that telephone sales or service personnel cannot speak standard Midwest or Canadian English. I never watch South Park, it's on past my bedtime. Too bad the US government won't let us visit your country anymore, without buying an expensive passport first. I really like your Nestlé Aero bars. Even wrote a song about them to the tune of "Oh Canada".
Great job. F**k the cell-phone companies.
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