If you search for vented masks
They’re pretty hard to find
You can craft one with a bra and sieve
But if you look for two-ply sheets
To wipe just a small behind
You almost need to bring along a shiv

Quarantine -- it’s such a lonely world
Everyone is so removed
Quarantine -- it’s flattening out the curve
I’m social distancing from you

I can always find some grub
To sate my appetites
If I’m desperate there’s Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese
But I don’t want PB&Js
For twelve successive nights
All I want is lunch at Applebee’s

Quarantine -- it’s such a lonely world
Everyone is so removed
Quarantine -- it’s flattening out the curve
I’m social distancing from you

I can cut my own hair
I can wash my hands
I can have the groceries delivered on demand
Anyone who comes near me, I’m gonna reprimand:
Stay home, stay home

We’ll all keep inside for weeks
Mostly unemployed
Please don’t judge my Netflix marathon
When I’m done with therapy
Tell ya, I’ll be overjoyed
To drive to work and finally put pants on

Quarantine -- it’s such a lonely world
Everyone is so removed
Quarantine -- I’m sorry that it hurts
I’m social distancing for you