The Escalade, it crashed in-to a tree
With Tiger Woods, the wheel behind
He looked on back, and there he saw Elin
Lookin’ for him, hol-din’ a club
And with the club, she hit the window
The glass, it shattered, to and fro
From where I stood I saw she was ticked off
And through her tears, they heard her say,

Tiger, don't be a dooshbag, don't be a fool to your wife
Tiger, don't be a cheater, come back and love your dear wife
And as the cops came around, she said, “Tiger, come and lay low”
Tiger, don't be a dooshbag, don’t you dare cheat

Poor Tiger Woods, besieged by the newshawks
Controversy, spread all around
The Florida cops, he re-fused to meet with
A furor raged, around the world
And it came out, Tiger cheated
With at least three different gals
And Elin’s mind was all in a tangle
Should she file for divorce?

She said…
Tiger, don't be a dooshbag, don't be a fool to your wife
Tiger, don't be a cheater, come back and love your dear wife
And as the cops came around, she said, “Tiger, come and lay low”
Tiger, don't be a dooshbag, don’t you dare cheat


I heard the PGA got a letter
That told how Tiger used boosters*
The letter said that he was a cheater
He won’t admit he bent the rules
I heard they banned him from golf…

Tiger, you are a cheater, he don’t play fair in his life
Tiger, he does philander, and he lost his dear wife
And at the golf tournament, they said, “Vijay, you’re Number One”*
Tiger, he is a cheater, he don’t play fair