At the airport at noon
After a long day of meetings with a client
Turn in my car, and head to change my clothes

Somewhere in the head
There’s a handicapped stall that is empty
I go in and change into a t-shirt and some shorts

The meeting lasted so long, oh
I was so hot and I got so darned sweaty
Thank God there is a place where I can put on something dry

Just before my flight
I go sit at the bar and get really plastered
And now my bladder’s full so to the stall I fly

Last stall, I won’t fall
I can’t let my feet touch this nasty floor now
I’m changing my sweaty clothes and then it’s time to fly

Oh, last stall, try not to crawl
This place hasn’t been mopped in quite some time now
I’m peeing like everyone from that booze I just imbibed

Now it’s onto the plane, oh
I sit next to some fat guy named Lenny
I just can’t believe I didn’t get my upgrade

Now we’re taking off
When there comes some strange noise from beneath me
I almost shit my pants and have to change again

Don’t stall, don’t you fall
For God’s sake please keep this damned plane moving
‘Cause what I’m feeling right now this is a scary ride

Don’t stall, oh don’t you fall
I hope this isn’t the pilot’s first day
I’m hoping that everyone cannot hear me cry!