You sat down, in the hot tub,
Like a cannibal's cooking pot,
You had your hair slicked back, but it's obvious,
You still have a big bald spot,
You had one foot in the jacuzzi jet,
The other on your thigh,
Your hair is clogging the spa's aqua filter, spa's aqua filter, and....

You need Rogaine,
But I really don't think that you're going to,
You need Rogaine, ( Rogaine! )
But I really don't think that you're going to,
No, I don't, Awww....

You had hair many years ago,
And most of it on your head,
But a lot of it's moving further south,
Over much of your body instead,
Your chest looks like a hairy ape,
There's patches on your back,
I'm having breakfast,
There's hair in my coffee,
Hair on my eggs & toast.....

You need Rogaine,
But I really don't think that you're going to,
You need Rogaine, ( Rogaine! )
But I really don't think that you're going to,
No, I don't, Awww....

( Instrumental )

I'm having breakfast,
There's hair in my coffee,
Hair on my eggs & toast.....

You need Rogaine,
But I really don't think that you're going to,
You need Rogaine, ( You need Rogaine! )
But I really don't think that you're going to,
No, I don't, Awww....

The back of your head's like a glowing disk,
Reflecting the rays of the sun,
This stuff can grow hair on an obelisk,
So there's no need to be so dumb,
Now your hair is where the carpet was,
Our floors are wood, And there's,
Follicles falling all over the front lawn,
They cover the sidewalk, and....

You need Rogaine,
But I really don't think that you're going to,
You need Rogaine, ( You need Rogaine! )
But I really don't think that you're going to,
No, I don't, Awww....

You need Rogaine!
But I really don't think that you're going to,
You need Rogaine!
But I really don't think that you're going to,
You need Rogaine!
But I really don't think that you're going to.