You who are on the commode
Must have a load that you can let fly
And so benumb your ass
Because the gas is just a blow-by

Teach your colon well
Your bothered hell will slowly go by
And feed on pork and beans
The ones that gleam, the ones you'll swear by

Don't be ever asking why
Some are wet and some are dry
So just let them go and sigh
And know they've left you

And you, of tender butts
Can't know their guts, how your elders suffer
And so please help them in their grief
They seek relief, some sort of buffer

Bleach your toilet bowl
Your toilet roll will quickly go by
And treat your piles with Tucks
This ailment sucks, some day you'll know why

Don't be ever asking why
Some are wet and some are dry
So just let them go and sigh
And know they've left you