I saw a UFO, Some time in December
And experienced some missing time
And I gave hypnosis chance,
To bring back memories I can't
Then maybe I'd remember in a while

But telepathy made me shiver,
with any message they'd deliver,
Creatures on the doorstep,
I hope there's life after death

The star charts that those guys supplied
stumped astronomers who tried to find
where that star system resides
The government denied

So buy, buy, Read the Fortean Times
It's not Mulder, It's not Scully, nor is it the X-Files
And so nature's cooking up another surprise
Sayin' I just cannot believe my eyes,
I just cannot believe my eyes

Did ghosts move my books and stuff
Are black helicopters any good,
conspiracies suggest so.
In death valley there's rocks that roll
and someone photo'd their own soul
but no-one ever get's the trains to go

And the chance of seeing ghosts is slim
'cuz I don't know where they are haunting
And the places they choose,
are always damn hard to get to

At the tower of London I had a look
with a tape recorder and an old note book
where I caught a tourist saying "f**k,
It closed at half past five"
And I'd seen nothing

So buy, buy, Read the Fortean Times
It's not Mulder, It's not Scully, nor is it the X-Files
And so nature's cooking up another surprise
Sayin' I just cannot believe my eyes,
I just cannot believe my eyes

Now the talk has turned to human clones,
what could be done with dinosaurs bones
well Spielberg showed how it could be
and in certain countries they have been seen
so they're not as dead as they once seemed
depending on who you may believe

The footprints they found on the ground,
of animals not heard about
we're not impressed they learned,
til photos are returned

And it takes more than they did impart,
a blurry photo in the dark
And how to explain those weird marks
they look just like care tires
We're not believin'

So buy, buy, Read the Fortean Times
It's not Mulder, It's not Scully, nor is it the X-Files
And so nature's cooking up another surprise
Sayin' I just cannot believe my eyes,
I just cannot believe my eyes

Mothmen, Yeti's and Bigfoot's all felt a
bit incongruous in a bus shelter
Bus driver's asked for their pass
They ran a mile when at last
when they noticed to whom they had asked,
but the Sasquatch would have driven them if asked

For the passengers there was no room,
for Nessie and its fish tank too
They all got up to stand,
While the Martians came to land

At Area 51 they feel
their machines secrets remain sealed
With little hope that we'll reveal
the things that are inside
Come and let us in

So buy, buy, Read the Fortean Times
It's not Mulder, It's not Scully, nor is it the X-Files
And so nature's cooking up another surprise
Sayin' I just cannot believe my eyes,
I just cannot believe my eyes

Prophetic Frenchmen took their place,
with the creatures from outer space,
suggesting that the world will end
Suggest that Stigmata's, needle pricks,
S.H.C's down to candles lit,
and fire strikes that never seem to end

And Witchcraft became all the rage
when Buffy appeared one fine day
all the teenagers fell, for televisions spell

And as Stonehenge fell down last Friday night
some people thought that was alright.
There's road builders laughing with delight
sabotage is implied.
We were thinkin'

Lets buy, buy, Read the Fortean Times
It's not Mulder, It's not Scully, nor is it the X-Files
And so nature's cooking up another surprise
Sayin' I just cannot believe my eyes,
I just cannot believe my eyes

I met someone who shared my views
- that E.V.P. was yesterdays news,
but she'd just found some more today
The only thing that I want more
is proof of E.T.... and free porn,
but the men in black, they came around today

Pictures I took - mislaid it seems,
they can't be found, just like the car keys
Newspaper guys were choking,
they thought that I was joking

The questions that get asked the most
The existence of god and of ghosts
the adverts in the trading post
with box numbers supplied

And now were ringin'

So buy, buy, Read the Fortean Times
It's not Mulder, It's not Scully, nor is it the X-Files
And so nature's cooking up another surprise
Sayin' I just cannot believe my eyes,
I just cannot believe my eyes