Not too long ago
Weird Al wrote that hit The Saga Begins
And it was good for a little smile
Don McLean again had the chance
To make those children do a dance
And add more to his money bins awhile

Then all the parody authors
Be they someone's sons or daughters
Made up their own attempt
In more ways McLean had not dreamt

Now I've been around, and full of pride
Wrote parodies, but against the tide
This song I have never tried
Now that custom has died

But why why, do "American Pie"?
Al Yank-ovic did the epic,
So then must I dare try?
Little girls and boys had giggled with their delight
Long before I had found Amiright
Long before I had found Amiright

So, let's put on our rubber gloves
And release the turtle doves
Quote Picard now, "Make it so!"
We know not for whom the bell will toll
Or who will play the Super Bowl
And who is wimpy, or who has machismo?

I got strange words, funny and grim
I won't act so nice and prim
Would you like some booze?
Let's go out on this cruise

I could purposely make the writing suck
And rhyme every line with "duck"
But someone here would give a darn
No way they'd let that slide

I keep on writing
Fie, fie on "American Pie"
It does curse us, many verses
My idea well's dry
There is no way to write this song on the fly!
Still, I think I will get it by
Still, I think I will get it by

Though some lines may make you groan
You must believe I am not stoned
Nor have I lost my sanity
These are tales told by an idiot
With a nod toward T.S. Eliot
But you didn't hear that from me

Oh, and while this is going down
My readers start to wear a frown
"The author's talents turned!"
But haven't you all learned

That we're all in this for the spark?
A spree, nay even a lark
The cat's meow, the maple's bark
This song is way off-side!

Hash I'm slinging
Cry, cry 'bout "American Pie"
Feeling creepy, getting sleepy
Trying to find the best rhymes
For yours is not to reason or why
At least you are a nice enough guy
At least you are a nice enough guy

Hester and Chester met up with Lester
And wandered through the whole semester
Wondering if they would paaaaasss
Hester wrote of Seymour Glass
In their modern lit'rature class

While Chester loved Leopold Bloom
And Lester had a thing for "Dune"
Then Lester took up his lance
Tore up his student grants!
Hester put up her own shield
And Chester bent his legs to yield
But what happened when he kneeled?
He said, "I've re-applied"

My, my this "American Pie"
Words so nimble, full of symbols
Piling up 6 feet high
And Madonna's voice tried to risk it, that's why
Some say that her song career died
But that just seems a little bit snide

Let's quit that tale now (just in case)
And just examine your fine face
And trust me, I am your friend
And so I see pimples and a razor nick
I hope you don't mind this little trick
I'm tired, but I'll take this to the end

So I let this bird out of its cage
And I write up another page
The language here is swell—it seems to sort of gel
But could you blame me out of spite
For not doing all of this up right?
Let' us take a brief respite
And read the movie guide

And we're reading
"My, my, it's "American Pie"
It's a whiffler, starring Stiffler
And the virginal guys
If you go to band camp later, then you will soon know why
I'd like to bang Tara Reid, and then just die
Or Alyson H., she's so fine'

Now which song would you rather choose?
This, or maybe "Blue Suede Shoes'?
Or would you just blithely run away?
This here life I do adore
I will stay a little more
Even if the skies look just a little gray

And on these sheets, the beets were creamed
The eggs were fried, and the flashlights beamed
Not a sane word was spoken
I hope you know I'm jokin'
Let's thank again, old Chuck our host
One last thing, 'fore I end this post
I hope I garner lots of votes!
Oh wellat least I tried

Now I'm singing
Bye bye Amphigorian Pie
See you later Alligator
And that isn't a lie
I'll see you there at the site, am I right?
It can be the day or the night
It could be the day or the night

We'll be surfing
Bye bye Amphigorian Pie
Long song magic, sometimes tragic
And we smile and we sigh
And Don McLean sits on back with a sigh
Sayin' "Someday I will kill that weird guy!"