Spoken intro:

Rick Moranis: Ever had a relative that you just plain hate?

John Candy: Hmmm.... I don't think so.

Eugene Levy: You people at home can relate to this song.


Rick Moranis:
Your cousin will make a fool of you, they'll leave your dreams broken around the bend.

Eugene Levy:
That cousin gives you the blues, cos she has found you to use.
There's a town from here to nowhere, she lives a few miles
Between here and there.
Theres a really bad bruise right on your left arm
she's using you cuz all they do is bring you harm.
Ha ha cousin she cheats at games
And she leaves you with the blame.

Chorus
E-evil cousin, e-evil cousin e-evil cousin, evil cousin

Rick Moranis:
There's something strange about that boy/girl
It's like he/she comes from another world.
She could be a werewolf or a vampire.
And she's already taken all your desire.
Ha ha cousin believe us all of this is true.
You destroyed the happiness within you.
Its so bad you like to cause em pain.
But you better get yourself on board the very next train.

Chorus:repeat

John Candy:
Evil cousin how you done you relations wrong.
But now youre tryin to lure them with your siren song.
Ha ha it's so sad how you broke their heart, you made the mess right from the start.
You're a monster.
They keep running from you and you make them cry.
and they see evil lurking in your eyes,
Ha ha you're not nice to know, that you aint got no place left to go.

Chorus:repeat
E-evil cousin, e-evil cousin e-evil cousin, evil cousin
E-evil cousin, e-evil cousin e-evil cousin, evil cousin
E-evil cousin, e-evil cousin e-evil cousin, evil cousin


Spoken outro:

Eugene Levy: That cousin sounds like hell.

Rick Moranis: Believe me...you wouldn't want a cousin like that.

John Candy: I sure as hell wouldn't.

Joe Flaherty: That's one hell of an evil cousin.