Grandpa got a lawyer after New Year,
Cause his wife got creamed by Santa Clause
Who cares if he is a global icon,
Santa must obey the traffic laws.

Watching tv, late one evening,
Thoughts of vengeance every day
Then suddenly an ad came blaring,
Promising that they could make wrongdoers pay

If a loved one has been injured
And insurance done you bad
Here’s the motto of our law firm
Tis better to get even than get mad.

Grandpa got a lawyer after New Year,
Cause his wife got flattened Christmas Eve
Gonna sue him back into the Stone Age
That’s the one thing Santa can believe.

With the trial fast approaching,
And the jury picked and sat
Grandpa’s lawyer prepped and ready
I could plainly see there was no turning back.

Now with testimony over
Comes the verdict of the twelve
Damned if Santa warn’t acquitted
Seems the jury was composed of only elves.
(Only Elves?!)

Grandpa got a lawyer after New Year,
Cause his wife got trampled by reindeer
Instead of hiring that stupid lawyer
He should have drowned his rage in kegs of beer.

Now the moral of my story,
Though it’s hard for Gramps to hear.
Better look both ways ‘fore crossing,
Or you might fall victim to some Christmas “cheer”.

I’ve warned all my friends and family,
Litigation’s not the way.
To exact your retribution,
On a maniac who drives a tricked-out sleigh.

Grandpa got a lawyer after New Year,
One where if you don’t win, you don’t pay.
That’s the only good thing to have happened,
To save him from a much worse fate that day.
(Sing it grandma!)

Grandpa got a lawyer after New Year,
One where if you don’t win, you don’t pay.
That’s the only good thing to have happened,
To save him from a much worse fate that da-a-ay.