Vandal is crabby, he bites on his chain
He will pee my bed most nights, shedding his mane
So excitedly, Vandal’s humping my thigh
Rod is fluffed on Vandal, must be so proud of his size

Some say training’s gritty, abusive and mean
Well, Vandal raises his sad face, plans another scheme
Woe planned, I must go and tend to my stuff
Or he’ll sh*t granules, throw a piss in for touch

Oh oh oh
Vandal, my Schnauzer, you are bold as can be
You do not heel, insane, you just bark and you steal
Baptize inside, and you eat swarms of flies
Vandal, you’re bizarre, a disgrace I decry

[Instrumental break]

Oh oh oh
Vandal, why bother, you were told find a tree
You make me kneel, reclaim the cigars you conceal
Devise and hide, your drool leaks on my fries
Vandal, chase a car, as I brace for goodbye

Vandal is howling all night, he has mange
I will see the neighbors’ lights, dreading complaints
Oh and I can see Vandal waging a crime
Nod, he’s slick my Vandal, so free, unbowed, never minds
Oh God, he licks, my Vandal, with glee, he’s plowed his behind