I don't like your new gift idea
For my birthday -- I don't understand at all
Why do you think that it would be romantic
With my name on a great big gassy ball

Online, you saw the blinking pop-ups
Went to the site and fell for packaging
And you misread -- it's not really official
And the cost is way too much for nothing

Don't have a star named after me
Don't spend the 50 bucks -- I'd rather have some lon-ja-ree
Can't you tell that this is something I would not want for free
You should already know I won't want stars being named for me

Oh, I fear
That you've had too many beers
I've given up on any clothes or jewels
But why do you
Have this weird idea that it's cool?
Yet, if I could choose
I'd still prefer those power tools

Don't have a star named after me
Don't spend the 50 bucks -- I'd rather have some lon-ja-ree
Can't you tell that this is something I would not want for free
You should already know I won't want stars being named for me

Don't have that star named after me
I think I'll take a pass on learning fake Astronomy
And "Betelgeuse" is taken anyway, so hear my plea
And just forget the thought of naming any stars after me