Crapping Horribly Tonight

It's late in the evening; my rectum's in deep despair.
I pinch up my butt cheeks, it really just isn't fair.
And then it hits me, my anus isn't right,
and I make my first trip to the bathroom of the night.

We go a party and everyone turns to see
The brownish-red ass stain, that's walking around with me
And someone asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "No, I crapped horribly tonight.

I crapped horribly because I ate the
The week-old shrimp fried rice.
And the worst part of it all
Is that I just don't realize the anal damage.

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching gut,
So I give up the car keys and squeeze tight my butt.

And then hear it, as I turn out the light,
I think god damn, my bedsheets are no longer white
Oh Lord Jesus, I shat horribly tonight.