It's late in the evening
She's looking for teeth to wear
She puts on her hairpiece
And brushes its long blonde hair
And then she asks me
"Do I look alright?"
And I say "No, you look horrible tonight"

We go to a party
And everyone turns to see
This hideous monkey
That's walking around with me
And then she asks me
"Do you feel alright?"
And I say "No, I feel terrible tonight"

I feel terrible because I see the light in your glass eye
And the wonder of it all is that you just don't realise how much they're laughing

It's time to go home now
And I'm filling up with dread
In case she feels horny
When she gets to bed
And then I tell her as I turn out the light
I say "Thank God you just want to sleep tonight"