She took the whole evening
To squeeze into her dress.
She cakes on her makeup;
About a quart, I guess.
She powders her moustache;
I lose my appetite.
And I think – God – she looks hideous tonight.

We go to a party.
She spots the buffet.
She gobbles three pounds of shrimp
And the whole crudite.
She could wolf down a pork chop
In a single bite.
And I think – God – she’s so hideous tonight.

And I feel hideous every time I wonder what I’ve done
To my life. And I know someday soon that I will take a gun…
And blow my brains out.

It’s time to go home now.
She’s passed out, of course.
It takes six guys to carry her to my car
‘Cause she’s big as a horse.
She pukes on the dashboard
As I stop for a light.
And I think – God – she's so hideous tonight.

She's so hideous … every single night.