the legend lives on from the nurses on down,
to the girl who comes changing the bedpan
the man of this song has some medical wrongs
by all rights he should be a deadman
when he started the day, it was frito lays,
washed down with a six pack of miller
as his guts would then churn, and his heart it would burn
he just knew this dump would be killer

to aid in the slide of the food now inside
he thought maybe I'd best eat some fibre
cause any man knows, when he really has to go
that sometimes you need a big pry-bar
he was coming to terms eating red gummy worms
that his backside was soon to be famous
what he claimed to not know was the path that it would go
'fore it belched out from his puckered anus

the wind in the cheeks was the worst in three weeks,
as the upset digestion it harkened
stuffed away some black jubes, and a bouillon cube
to make it come out slightly darkened
as time passed him by, he thought brown eye was dry
and he skipped a through g's preparations
what he had to protect was the toxic effect
of his digestive miscalculations

when suppertime came, it was more of the same,
with hot fudge, some scotch and a burger
when this came outside, and anyone died,
he wondered would this be like murder?
the dessert he shoveled in
was a crepe that was thin,
with a raspberry tart to pour over
if that's not to much, then the final touch
was the fruit loops with side of anchovies....


now he sat feeling glee, with a big screen t.v.
as he watched the discovery channel
he prepared his back end for what his guts sent
wrapped his legs in plastic and flannel
as the supper bell rung, he saw Connie Chung
an american idol, so true-y
then a wild thought and he said oh why not,
so he stuffed his pie hole with chop suey


now the time it had come, and they called 9-1-1
and the medics came in well protected
their breathing assured, they expected manure
and their truck was pre-disinfected
they rolled him on his side, and whisked him outside
as the ambulance groaned and cavorted
was this alright? as this thing came into sight
it looked like old "jumbo" aborted

they radioed ahead, that this guy might be dead
and the doctors and nurses all gathered
the explosion that came they knew this was not a game
cause they all ended up getting slathered
they let it come free, and they spoke medically
of an asshole now knee deep in peril
as the load came out more, and they closed the door
'twas the rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald

does anyone know where the love of god goes,
when the brave souls in there have to do this?
to the doctors and the nurses,
and the transies with the purses
be thankful it's not Jerry Lewis
............