-> "Introducing Myself to amiright-dot-com"
Original Song Title:
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
Parody Song Title:
"Introducing Myself to amiright-dot-com"
The Lyrics
I’ll tell you my story, but I don’t want vainglory
All things praiseworthy, praise goes to Jesus
The Scriptures they tell of a Lake-of-Fire dwell
And there’s nobody lake-bound that frees us.
With a sin load to bear, it is not wise to err
By building your own plan for forgiveness.
Forever’s at stake, do not make the mistake
Of rejecting God’s life-fixing business.
In August I become septuagenarian
So I ‘ve overcome my share of trials
For 25 years, I’ve dodged Parkinson’s spears
But no pain, I can stay in denial.
My weight’s under control, I look good: one loophole.
Tremors - my body thinks: exercising.
But I don’t sleep at night when the sun don’t shine bright
‘Stead I lie in my bed analyzing
(anything! … whatever my mind cooks up for me that night!)
Was born on a Tuesday in Phil’dephia P-A
Norristown was where I was a resident.
My love was the Phillies, I still get the willlies.
They lost 10 straight games plus the pennant.
Piano, I learned, but the clarinet earned
Me a stipend for college tuition
Somehow, I did see, knowing stats was the key.
I’d turn into a sports statistician
Post High School it seems all my hopes, goals and dreams
They required a College degree.
Now don ‘t get me wrong, but it’s part of my song:
The 2-S draft status seemed for me.
I then studied math, it was part of the path
I could get a degree without reading.
So I added Physics, in grad school, Statistics
I rushed it, today I’m conceding
With 13 years passed since I last sat in class,
I began a scholastic endeavor.
One class at a time, past the peak of my prime
Took a score of my time, but whatever.
In seminary, though discretionary
I studied for M.Div.* credentials. * Master of Divinity
It was 2009. I was standing in line
With the others who’d learned the essentials.
It happened in August, (not to sound too immodest)
Of the year that I first graduated
A man who was older listened over my shoulder
Overheard as my background I’d stated.
Then when we were done, the man had me alone
And he asked in a voice slightly scary,
“I’ve heard your CV. You’d excel, can’t you see,
If your job became an actuary.”
I asked what that meant. He began to present
Some fellows he’d known gone before me
He answered so well that I hardly could tell
If he’s talking ‘bout them fellows or me.
I never looked back, never had a setback
I think maybe that man was God’s angel
It’s been 49 years since I met my first peers
The old man ‘s advice has proven gainful.
Got married one June; life wonderf’ly in tune
Spent two weeks on the beaches of Maui
Along came a girl, then a boy, then a girl
Then a boy, then a girl. Even now, we
Would do it again if time travel had been
Invented and we were back in our 20’s
Now don ‘t get me wrong, but it’s part of my song:
We broke up after 21 years married
A couple years later, this Ches’peake Bay Stater [Maryland not Massachusetts]
To raise five alone got quite lonely
The church bells they chimed, marriage license was signed
She was blessed with four kids of her own-ly
It’s been 23 years full of hopes full of fears
There were times that we feared we’d not make it
With ten grandkids too, sometimes feels like a zoo
With much prayer and God’s hand we can take it.
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 4.8 | |
How Funny: | 4.8 | |
Overall Rating: | 4.8 | |
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Total Votes: | 16 |
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