The show will live on till TV Land is gone
'Bout a family that we call the Bradys.
The adults, it is said, some are old and some dead,
And the children, they're grown men and ladies.
Sherwood Schwartz was the guy who back in '69
Talked the network into the idea.
The acting was poor, and the premise a bore,
But it's still watched from Greece to Korea.

The story was this, of a widowed blonde miss
Who was raising three quite lovely girlies.
Their hair was of gold like their mother's, I'm told,
And the youngest had locks that were curly.
The story proceeds with a guy who smoked weed
And was busy with three boys he'd sired.
The four shared a house that was missing a spouse;
All agreed a new mom was required.

Then one fateful day when the man, who's not gay,
Quite unlike the bad actor who played 'im,
Met the thirty-ish miss, who soon gave him a kiss,
And by seven P.M. she had laid 'im.
Like rabbits they were, and it caused quite a stir
When her daughters decided to bust in.
The door wasn't locked and the girls screamed in shock,
"Hey now, come on Mom, that's just disgustin'!"

The next day at lunch, they had more than a hunch
That this group would start living together.
A family they'd form, with more kids than the norm,
And they'd last for what seemed like forever.
The fellow proposed, which the children opposed,
But both parents completely ignored 'em.
The lady agreed with incredible speed
And assured the guy that she adored 'im.

So now do you know why I bought a Tivo?
'Cause this show turns the minutes to hours.
I'll fast forward through and find something to do,
Watch Kim Possible or Austin Powers.
But still I'll come back, like a junkie on crack,
To the episode that runs tomorrow.
I know all its lines; seen it twenty-nine times,
Which explains my self-loathing and sorrow.

The show's final year, it became very clear
That the ratings too quickly were waning.
The network execs, who liked violence and sex,
Ordered writers, "Be more entertaining!"
Soon Greg screwed Jan, and Pete joined the Klan
And Bobby and Marcia killed Cindy.
The writers were told, "That's a little too bold,"
So they quit and dreamed up Mork and Mindy.

The bosses, I hear, after far too much beer,
Had that brat Cousin Oliver visit.
The ratings, they found, nose dived straight to the ground.
That's the end of the story... or is it?
The show will live on till eternity's gone
'Bout the family we know as the Bradys.
The legend, no lie, is that after they die,
All the damned have to watch it in Hades.